Like shooting irony in a barrel, it’s The Hoya Racism Watch!
First of all, I don’t usually read printed copies of newspapers. There’s this thing called the Internet now that’s easier to read. But if I hadn’t today, I would’ve missed these:
What do you do when you can’t sell ad space? Turn your paper into a yearbook. OMG, you guys, keep in touch, remember what we said, we’re gonna be Campus News 4EVA! <3 I love you guys! Newspapers are so much fun! <3 <3 <3 <3 Never forget our blood oath to never do any investigative reporting! <3 <3 <3 <3
I always thought two editorials an issue was way too much for the Ed Board to handle, but apparently this year they’ve convinced whoever is in charge over there to give them another box. They use this box for assigning thumbs to things:
Achoo!: Lauren Johnson, a 12-year-old from Virginia, has been suffering from “machine gun sneezing” for two weeks. The condition causes her to sneeze 12,000 times daily, and has no known remedy. Thumbs Down
Thumbs down?! Christ, Ed Board, do you have no compassion in your hearts? How dare you thumbs-down this poor 12-year-old! She can’t help sneezing that much! If you don’t want to listen to her sneeze, go somewhere else. But don’t pass judgment on this child in your newspaper. That’s just objectively atrocious. Thumbs up, Lauren Johnson, for ignoring these mean girls at the Ed Board. Nobody loves them, so they say nasty things about defenseless children like you. Don’t let them get to you. And you know what? Even if you are able to stop sneezing, keep doing it just to spite The Hoya. In this country, we, except for The Hoya, embrace diversity, and constant-sneezers have just just as much right to the American Dream as non-sneezers and infrequent-sneezers. ACHOO, motherfuckers.
Finally, ladies and gentlemen, let’s discuss this masterpiece: “Turning the Luck Around for Black Cats.”
That’s right folks, The Hoya is covering racial discrimination. And not a moment too soon, I say. It’s finally time to get beyond the April Fools’ Issue and seriously cover the issue of race on campus to… Wait, what? This is about intolerance directed toward black cats? As in, the animal? Holy fucking shit. Irony!
It’s not because people consider the cats frightening, however. Darker cats’ features are harder to make out, making their expressions harder to read, Drummond said. This characteristic makes the animals less attractive to potential buyers.
She said many Hoya writers see a binary opposition between blacks and whites and often offer negative connotations to darker students. Leonard also found that Hoya writers have doubts about poorer students’ levels of domestication
She said many people see a binary opposition between black and white and often offer negative connotations to darker animals. Leonard also found that customers have doubts about shelter animals’ levels of domestication
The Alexandria shelter, as well as the Washington Humane Society, tries to position darker cats in the shelter rooms so that they are well-lit and visible.“We put bright-colored rugs or pillows in their cages so you can see the animal a little better,” Drummond said.
P.S., Georgetown, can we stop doing this shit? Thx. It’s not nice to call Copley a fag. Copley Hall is a person, just like you. Idiots.
