All Georgetown students have a desire to branch out to a new study location once in a while, so why not explore one of the most secluded study spots on campus, Lauinger Library! If you go, you HAVE to visit these 5 floors

1. Lau 5

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Most people have never heard of Lau 5 because it’s so high up! If you are feeling adventurous walk up the stair case until you can’t go any higher. Warning: this is only for thrill seekers as most don’t come out alive because of the thin air.

2. Lau 4

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This funky little floor has a room with full-sized windows! Weird!

3. Lau 3

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Have you ever wondered what it would be like to study in a place where none of the goddamn printers work and your assignment is due in 20 minutes?

4. Lau 2

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Fuckin’ Karl studies here. Avoid at all costs.

5. Lau 1

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Have you ever tried studying but thought “I can’t focus I’m too happy?” Problem solved.

 

We all know how crazy the writings of German idealist philosopher Georg Wilhelm Hegel are. So, who better to explain them than Kourtney Kardashian! Let’s get down to business bitches.

1. “To this extent the means is superior to the finite ends of external purposiveness: the plough is more honourable than are immediately the enjoyments procured by it and which are ends. The tool lasts, while the immediate enjoyments pass away and are forgotten. In his tools man possesses power over external nature, even though in respect of his ends he is, on the contrary, subject to it.” The Science of Logic (1816)

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She gets it! Like you can plough me any day Georg.

2.” Man is free, this is certainly the substantial nature of man; and not only is this liberty not relinquished in the state, but it is actually in the state that it is first realised. The freedom of nature, the gift of freedom, is not anything real; for the state is the first realisation of freedom.” History of Philosophy (1817)

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Like duh, the Progression of History! Forreal.
3. “When philosophy paints its grey in grey, one form of life has become old, and by means of grey it cannot be rejuvenated, but only known. The owl of Minerva, takes its flight only when the shades of night are gathering.” Preface to the Philosophy of Right (1821)
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Kourtney perfectly evokes the sublime feeling of Historical judgement and the Progression of Identity with that epic selfie! Sooooo cuuuute.

4. “ To pit this single assertion, that “in the Absolute all is one,” against the organised whole of determinate and complete knowledge, or of knowledge which at least aims at and demands complete development – to give out its Absolute as the night in which, as we say, all cows are black – that is the very naïveté of emptiness of knowledge.”Preface to the Phenomenology of Spirit (1807)

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I know, riiiiiight! The interaction of the Aesthetic and the World Spirit is just soo basic.

5.  ”The word ‘reality’ is used to mean that something behaves conformably to its essential characteristic or notion. For example, we use the expression: ‘This is a real man’. Here the term does not merely mean outward and immediate existence: but rather that some existence agrees with its notion. In this sense, reality is not distinct from ideality.” Shorter Logic (1830)

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Guuuuuuuuurrrlllll.

6. “The science of right must develop the idea, which is the reason of an object, out of the conception. It is the same thing to say that it must regard the peculiar internal development of the thing itself. Since it is a part, it has a definite beginning, which is the result and truth of what goes before, and this, that goes before, constitutes its so-called proof.” The Philosophy of Right (1821)

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mic drop. Kourtney out.

 

1. Library of Congress

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The oldest federal cultural institution and the largest library in the world, the Library of Congress is a beautiful and peaceful study spot that you will never find the ambition to visit.


2. Phillips Collection

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Despite its location in nearby Dupont Circle, you will never work up the energy to visit America’s first modern art museum.


3. Theodore Roosevelt Island

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Just a short 15 minute walk from Rosslyn Metro station, the natural beauty of Theodore Roosevelt Island will never quite seem worth the effort.


4. Pershing Park

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Conveniently located near the White House, Pershing Park is a great destination to think about visiting while watching Netflix in your bed.


5. Gravelly Point

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The closest you will ever get to Gravelly Point, one of the best places to watch airplanes up close in the United States, is looking up as a plane flies over Red Square.


6. US Botanic Gardens

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This botanic garden was in George Washington’s original plans for the capital city of the United States more than 200 years ago. Similarly, visiting this historical and aesthetic landmark was part of your original plan. Unlike George Washington’s plan, however, yours will never actually happen.


7. National Aquarium

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If you like learning about exotic undersea creatures, you might as well just give up and look them up on the internet now because you are never going to make it here.


8. Potomac National Harbor

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For great shopping, dining, and fun, someone much less lazy than you should visit this hidden gem of the DC area.


9. National Arboretum

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In the spring, the arboretum has great cherry blossom viewing without the crowds for people who have even the slightest motivation.


10. Smithsonian Zoo

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Not exactly a hidden gem, but let’s be honest, you aren’t going to make it there anyways.

 

1. When, in taut but elegant prose, he explained the university’s Speech and Expression Policy.

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2. When his incisive editorial graced the pages of The Hoya.

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3. When we learned he has all 151 original Pokémon cards.

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4. That time he did Dancing with the Stars.

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5. When he started for the Spurs.

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6. After he successfully developed the polio vaccine.

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7. 1986: The Magic Tour

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8. When he brought home the gold for Olympic diving.

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9. After his hilarious performance as Olaf, the snowman from Frozen.

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10. When he tamed the noble Pegasus and slew the deadly chimera.

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CheifofPolice

Which Sex in the City character is most like you?
A. Carrie
B. Charlotte
C. Samantha, because who gives a fuck about Miranda, no one wants to be Miranda anyway.

Most important feature in a partner:
A. Sense of humor
B. Bionic limbs
C. Being Jay Gruber

Which of these numbers is in your contacts?
A. (202) 687-4357, for GERMS
B. (202) 784-RIDE
C. 1-900-MIXALOT

Is that really the number for GERMS? I never knew. I probably should put that in my phone. God, you never think something like that can happen to you. I’ve been living my whole life like I’m invincible, but I won’t be that way forever.
A. Wait, what?
B. No
C. Exactly, just look at what happened to Uncle Bill

Oh my god, that could’ve been me. I walk by myself late at night all the time. I should be carrying some sort of weapon with me.
A. Yes, carry mace and/or pepper spray
B. Only a United Cutlery Marine Force Recon Sawback 14.25” Bowie knife will suffice
C. No, the only weapon you need is the Bible, God’s weapon

But I can’t leave my townhouse house every day in fear, thinking that danger is lurking around every corner. What should I do?
A. Like Ma always said, being scared and on the run ain’t no way to live
B. Run
C. Trust no one

RESULTS
If you answered mostly “A” you are … General Safety Notice. No one cares and deletes you faster than a CourseEval email.

If you answered mostly “B” you are … Village C West Burglary! Of the public safety alert emails, you are akin to a freshman who has misplaced the laptop your parents bought for you and after searching for twenty minutes have concluded that it has been stolen. You notified the appropriate authorities and aided the police by putting up a passive aggressive note on the door of the common room. Congratulations, your acts of heroism will not soon be forgotten!

If you answered mostly “C” you are … Off-Campus Burglary! You rely on the omnipresence of SNAP to protect you and your keen ability to distinguish Vineyard Vines sweatshirts from generic grey sweatshirts in evaluating potential outsiders.

 

Screen Shot 2014-12-07 at 6.09.58 PMIs that a bottle of bleach or are you just happy to see me?


1. They already have a key to your home.

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And your heart.


2. They are always seem eager to clean up your vomit.

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The desire to wipe our vomit off bathroom stalls is a quality we all want in a significant other. You know someone truly loves you for the person you are when they have seen you at your worst and still think you’re the best.


3. They always seem to be there right when you get out of the shower.

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Maybe they are just checking in on you or maybe they are just shy, either way you know they are interested when you constantly encounter them while only wearing a towel.


4. They show up in response to your work order and just happen to be naked.

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These guys know that although women love a man in uniform, they love it even more when it is off.


5. They separate your used paper towels from the rest and keep them for themselves.

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They know you so well, even the unique way you crumple up a paper towel after you are done drying your hands.


6. They intentionally break your air conditioner

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Not only does this show you how you need them as much as they need you, but it also sets up the perfect opportunity for things to get even “hotter” when you ask them to come and fix it.


7. Instead of just cleaning it, they use your hair in the shower to make a heart with both of your names in it.

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A classic expression of romantic feelings, with an extremely personal twist.


8. They bleach your name onto their body.

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There isn’t a better way to show just how devoted they would be to you than painfully branding themselves with your name.

 

SPOILER ALERT: This list contains deaths up to December 2014. Stop reading if you haven’t gotten that far yet.

Shirley Temple (February 10)

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In a tragic accident, the 85-year-old former child star and diplomat choked to death on the cherry in one of her signature cocktails.

Egon Spengler, Ph.D. (February 24)

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After crossing the streams, the famed scientist and Ghostbuster will be continuing his research of the supernatural on the other side.

Fred Phelps (March 19)

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Founder and pastor of the Westboro Baptist Church, Phelps led a lifelong campaign against the moral depravity that is homosexuality. We’re sure he’s rejoicing in the light of Christ right now.

Chad’s N64 (April 5)

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Chad and his N64 were the catalyst of good times ever since he set it up in our Village C common room freshman year. Sadly, the aged console was unable to handle the epicness that went down in our Smash Bros. tournament.

Casey Kasem (June 15)

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Looks like his lifelong addiction to dog food finally did old Shaggy in.


Brazil’s Soccer Dignity (July 8 )

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If there were a sporting equivalent of watching an injured lamb get run down and eviscerated by a pack of hungry wolves, and then for those wolves to defile the carcass with excrement, it would be the Brazil-Germany World Cup semifinal match.

Robin Williams (August 11)

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With the public’s attention focused on the contemporaneous death of Lauren Bacall, the famed actor and comedian’s passing received almost no media attention. Nanu nanu, old friend.

Larry’s Virginity (August 31)

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You go, Larry! So what if it was to a horse?

Joan Rivers (September 4)

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The chief of the Fashion Police was cut down in an exchange of fire with three German beachgoers who were wearing socks with sandals. And she was only two weeks from retiring and collecting her pension, too…

Marion Barry (November 23)

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Love him, hate him—doesn’t matter. His life rights are up for grabs and we can’t wait to see how Hollywood runs with it.

 

1. “I can’t deal with this weather!”

sss

OMG. We all go outside.

2. “Hi.”

nc

UMM, how about hello???

3. “I’m masterbating.”

bbb1

Can I walk into Leo’s ONE TIME without hearing this?

4. “Stab me with your phalanx again.”

martin

Go awayyy SFS-ers

5. “Anheuser Busch is a trademark of Budweiser products.”

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WE WERE IN THE SAME COPYRIGHT CLASS DUMMY.

6. “I’m out of line? Your honor you’re out of line!”

ll

I swear I’m going to transfer if we film one more courtroom drama at this school.

7. “Engage the turbo thrusters.”

shq

Cool your jets, buddy.

 

Assorted_United_States_coins

Ever put money in a vending machine and these weird things came out? Or maybe you see these strange shiny things laying in the street sometime?

Did you know, thanks to an antiquated US law, that you can turn these in for dollar bills!?

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WOW. I’m never throwing them out again!