The Georgetown Heckler, a new student humor magazine, is widely considered to be a massive failure by the Georgetown University community. “It’s simply not funny,” said Tom Davenport (MSB ’04). “It sucks…those guys who write it must be fucking stupid or something,” he added. Administrators have similar feelings. In a recent broadcast email to the student... »
Archive for January, 2003
Georgetown Heckler a Massive Failure
Monday, January 20th, 2003
Georgetown to Model Southwest Quadrangle after U.S.S. Nebraska
Monday, January 20th, 2003
Georgetown University released further details on the new Southwest Quadrangle project today, expected to be completed by the beginning of the fall 2003 semester. Barbara Wagner, Georgetown University Assistant Director for Student Life, excitedly discussed the new plans with Georgetown Heckler reporters yesterday: “We’ve modeled the new dorm after the living quarters on the USS... »
Coach Esherick to Perform Free Pap Smears in Red Square
Monday, January 20th, 2003
Georgetown men’s basketball head coach Craig Esherick announced today that he would be performing free pap smears for Georgetown students in Red Square all next week in an effort to collect canned food goods for the homeless. “I’ll be performing free pap smears for Georgetown students all next week,” Esherick told The Georgetown Heckler. Esherick added... »
Bum Outside Wisemiller's Named 16th American Poet Laureate
Monday, January 20th, 2003
In response to his nationally acclaimed poem, “You got any change?” The Bum Outside Wisemillers was named the 16th American Poet Laureate. The nomination, heavily opposed by many conservative literary critics, would not have been possible without the lobbying of previous Poet Laureate Billy Collins, who described The Bum Outside Wisemillers (or as he has... »
OP-ED: What the Hell Are People From Foreign Countries Talking About?
Monday, January 20th, 2003
I have a bone to pick with Mexicans, and people who are not Mexican but are still from other countries. Some of my friends call these people aliens. I don’t necessarily think that they are all aliens because some of them look a lot like me, and I’m not an alien. But I’ll tell you... »
OP-ED: New Miracle Diet Plan for Georgetown Girls: Stop Eating So Much
Monday, January 20th, 2003
It’s come to this reporter’s attention that weight loss, and fear of weight gain, for that matter, is an issue of the utmost importance to Georgetown girls. As Sophie Lardass (NHS ’04) states, “I had tried everything, from slim fast, to that silly Adkins diet where you can’t eat the bun of the hamburger,... »
OP-ED: Oh My God, 'Two Weeks Notice' Was Soooo Cute
Monday, January 20th, 2003
Oh my God, you guys – ‘Two Weeks Notice’ was soooo cute. Hugh Grant is like the sexiest guy alive! That accent – wow. He’s totally hot. But, don’t be fooled, everyone. Hugh Grant’s babaliciousness is not the only awesome thing about this movie. He and Sandra Bullock totally make a cute couple, and she... »
A Family Affair: The Hearst Cousins
Monday, January 20th, 2003
Last Sunday’s match-up between the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the San Francisco 49er’s had special significance to at least one Georgetown student, and despite the blowout apparent in the 31-6 score, the game kept Gillian Hearst (MSB ’03) on the edge of her seat. Hearst, a senior in the McDonough School of Business, watched with... »
First Issue Notice
Monday, January 13th, 2003
This is the first issue of The Georgetown Heckler, the funniest goddamn online magazine around, so some explanation is necessary. This is written by Georgetown University students in an ill-advised attempt to laugh at ourselves, our classmates, and the Man. The Georgetown Heckler is undoubtedly in poor taste, but please don’t be too offended... »
ANC to Punish Underage Drinkers with Death Penalty
Monday, January 13th, 2003
In a groundbreaking move to discourage underage drinking at Georgetown, ANC committee members unanimously passed new regulations that will punish underage drinkers with the death penalty. “Violent crimes like muggings and robberies are one thing, but students really cross the line when they drink…it’s time that Georgetown residents took a stand against these evil cowards,”... »
