Recommended Courses for Fall '03
Don’t Have Direction? We’ll Help You Get There
Well it’s that time again – the e-mails and notices are everywhere. It’s time to pre-register for fall classes. But fear not, my dear misguided Hoya; whether you’re an aimless wanderer in the COL, a future investment banker (inheriting your father’s firm of course) in the MSB, a BMW driver hell-bent on global domination in the SFS, or one of the NHS people that no one knows exist, The Heckler can help you fill up those empty slots with classes that interest even the dullest GU students.
French: Surrendering Tactics (FREN-218)
Learn how to wave a white flag in any situation.
Physics: Will Your Head Fit Here? (PHYS-024)
A new science course for non-science majors or for people who are severely stupid (i.e. the lacrosse team, people who sleep in Red Square, etc.). Lab fee of $20, plus any unforeseen hospital bills, is required.
German: Efficiency I (GERM-050)
Who better to teach efficiency than the Germans? Learn how to minimize cost, kill without guilt, and take quick trips through smaller countries. Either way, you can do it with the true gusto of the Germans. But be cautious, your chance of passing the class is slim if you don’t have blonde hair and blue eyes.
Health Studies: I’m Not a Nurse, Dammit (HEST-003)
An introductory confidence-building course for students who finds themselves saying the title of this course repeatedly in their everyday lives. The course is a requirement for all health studies majors.
History: Last Week I (HIST-105)
A popular class for athletes and other people with short memory spans who have trouble remembering what they ate for dinner last night. This first part of a two-semester course takes you through history of the previous week.
Linguistics: Basic Coherency I (LING-011)
Perfect for athletes who communicate through a series of primal screams and grunts, this course gives you an insight in speaking in actual words, and then forming complete sentences.
Nursing: Performing for Patients (NURS-117)
Making the patient comfortable is an essential part of your task, and can be helped with certain types of…“favors.” Special film viewings are required for this class, and include educational titles such as “Naughty Nurses” and “Double D Nurses Say ‘Aah.’”
Philosophy: Your Ass vs. A Hole In The Ground: A Comparative Study (PHIL-125)
As with any philosophy class, sit around and talk about nothing. Good to fill up liberal arts requirements, and to make yourself sound smart.
Physiology & Biophysics: Yeast Infections & You (PBIO-531)
Study the mystique of the feminine infection. $45 lab fee required to grow and study your own yeast infection as a percentage of the final grade. Field trips to the women’s volleyball team locker room are covered by the lab fee.
Theology: False Deities (THEO-331)
For theology majors only. In this creative writing class, you are required to create your own fictional deity and use the semester to gain followers. This is a popular, long-standing class that is the sole cause for the start of Mormonism.
Women’s Studies Program: Barefoot in the Kitchen (WSTP-163)
A study through the ages of the role of women; learn methods of stifling the upward mobility of women that were used throughout the past century, and help construct the glass ceiling.