Georgetown Student Accused of Online Piracy

As government officials crack down on the recent wave of online piracy, Georgetown University’s own Rusty Blackbeard (SFS ’05) has been indicted on charges of plundering and pillaging the internet community. In response to the arrest, Blackbeard exclaimed, “YAARR” repeatedly. Suspicion of foul play was spurred by complaints from Rusty’s classmates. Says Matt Lewis, former roommate of the accused, “Blackbeard’s screen name was WaLkDaPLnK, for crying out loud! Couldn’t they have figured this out sooner?”

Blackbeard was released from prison on bail last week. He paid his own way out with a treasure chest full of emeralds and rubies. While his trial is scheduled for next month, Rusty has been encouraged not to attend class, especially since his parrot constantly mimics lectures and suffers from explosive diarrhea. Some Hoya students have protested the indictment of Blackbeard, defending his right to piracy.

Blackbeard has gained quite a reputation on campus. Girls find his hook hand “cute,” according to Lorie Honeywell (MSB ’06). In a statement to students in Red Square yesterday, Blackbeard said, “We need to work together to stop this! All the government wants is a piece of my booty.”