Top Ten New Year’s Resolutions for Georgetown Students

Sunday, February 1, 2004
By Heckler Staff

10. Vomit less often after drinking
9. Vomit more often after eating
8. Stop killing hookers
7. Construct chicken madness effigy of Craig Esherick, eat it
6. Obtain copy of legendary Madeleine Albright sex tape
5. Receive more fellatio
4. Convince cheerleading squad to lift restraining order
3. Become Grand Wizard of something
2. Adhere to Megan’s law and introduce self to neighbors
1. Develop an audience for struggling online humor magazine