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Archive for October, 2004
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Friday, October 15th, 2004
Slogan Suggestion for Michelob Ultra, the Low Carb Beer
Friday, October 15th, 2004
Michelob Ultra: It sure doesn’t taste like beer! Michelob Ultra: Is this beer or carbonated water? Michelob Ultra: Sure, you don’t want to drink it, but you gained a little weight. Michelob Ultra: It’s like beer, but not. Michelob Ultra: A lite beer is low carb, choose on taste. Michelob Ultra: At least it still gets you drunk. Michelob Ultra:... »
Carbs Sue Atkins Foundation, U.S. Health Administration, Jared From Subway, And Pretty Much Everyone Else For Libel and Slander
Friday, October 15th, 2004
In a groundbreaking class action lawsuit filed this week, carbohydrates across the nation have sued several national organizations for libel and slander, attempting to retrieve millions of dollars in damages. The lawsuit, which responds to a firestorm of new diets, books, and marketing campaigns, hopes to put an end to the current rise... »
POINT / COUNTERPOINT: Getting Laid at Georgetown is Hard VS. Getting Laid at Georgetown is Easy
Friday, October 15th, 2004
Getting Laid at Georgetown is Hard By Skip Myers (SFS ‘08) In my limited time at the Hilltop I’ve learned one unfortunate lesson the hard way and that is the dark truth of how extremely difficult it is to engage a coed in a romantic interlude. I’m not going to say that it was... »
J-Frat Converts
Friday, October 15th, 2004
In a startling move Tuesday, Alpha Epsilon Pi President, Adam Bernstein (SFS ‘05), declares, “fuck this Hebrew shit” and reinvents the mostly Jewish organization as a branch of Jews for Jesus. Asked about his religious turning point, he commented, “their team just has a better mascot I guess; I can’t go anywhere without... »
GERMS Take Drunk Freshman to Anacostia
Friday, October 15th, 2004
Last Friday night, three paramedics from the Georgetown Emergency Response Medical Services group took an intoxicated freshman patient and left him in Anacostia in response to heightened freshman stupidity. “These freshmen won’t learn their lesson if we just take them to the hospital and get them hydrated. We’re tired of being puked on, so... »
Disgruntled Students Secede from Hoya Blue; Form Saxa Gray
Friday, October 15th, 2004
Fed up with the governance of the school sports fan base Hoya Blue, a large group of students led by Billy Bob Jackson (COL ’06) announced their separation yesterday from the mainstream union of fans. Says Jackson, “We’ve gone and decided that the Hoya Blue board done grown too large and powerful for... »
