Fascists Sweep GUSA Election

In a surprising turn of events at GUSA’s election last week, Fascist presidential candidate Gerald Garner (SFS ‘06) and his partner, vice-presidential candidate Charles Leiter (COL ‘07), gained 45% of the student vote in a decisive victory. In a speech to a small crowd of supporters in Sellinger Lounge yesterday, President Garner thanked all those who worked to secure the win. Garner highlighted a relatively straightforward platform during the same speech, “No more ‘Living Wage’ talk (Garner used hand quotation marks here). And out with the Lucky Charms cereal in the cafeteria. They rot your teeth.” Protests have already begun in Red Square, as the Solidarity and the Irish Club marched earlier today.

In early January, The Hoya declared its full support for the moderately conservative ticket Amy Buckner (COL ‘07) and John Freeman (SFS ‘07), whose platform was then printed on the cover of every new copy of the newspaper for the past month. The #1 issue for Buckner and Freeman was to repeal the tuition increase recently confirmed by administration officials, which will raise student fees to a national high, $100,000. This ticket came in second to the Fascists, receiving 6% of the vote. The Georgetown Voice supported the Communist ticket, Sunshine Robbins (COL ‘06) and Bill Stillwater (COL ‘06). These students had just one primary concern: the demolition of Healy Hall and its entire haughty splendor. Only 3% of the student body supported Robbins and Stillwater, and were especially saddened to learn of Presidential-elect Garner’s plans to move his living quarters into the majestic Riggs Library. The Georgetown Heckler endorsed Harry Ballsack (SFS 06) and Holden McGroin (COL ‘07) throughout the campaign, but these candidates’ lack of either a platform or attendance at a single campaign meeting assured their loss. We at the Heckler wish Ballsack and McGroin the best.

President DeGioia expressed concern with the newly elected student government, but recognized his inability to force his personal opinions on the campus. In an interview with the Heckler DeGioia said, “I knew that our campus was more conservative than people thought, but this is certainly one for the books.”