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Archive for April, 2007
Vol. V, No. 4 Print Issue Cover
Monday, April 23rd, 2007
FROM THE EDITOR: The Barbaro Generation
Monday, April 23rd, 2007
View this issue’s print version They say that each generation has an event that defines it. For a long time it seemed that our generation would forever be enshrouded in the veil of 9/11 and the tragic events of that day. All the pundits have said that 9/11 changed everything. I believe Rudy Giuliani said... »
Letters
Monday, April 23rd, 2007
View this issue’s print version To the editor: I found your recent Kwanzaa article (“Make Your Kwanzaa Observance Fly as Hell,” The Heckler’s Seventh Annual Kikombe-tastic Kwanzaa Issue, Dec 2006) totally erroneous. First, Kwanzaa does not celebrate the birth of Wayne Brady. It was started in 1966 by a black nationalist as an alternative... »
Handicapped Student Joins S.T.A.N.D.
Monday, April 23rd, 2007
View this issue’s print version Students Take Action Now-Darfur (STAND), the Georgetown-founded club that seeks to aid refugees in Sudan, was shocked and dismayed to learn that 500 additional Sudanese people had been brutally murdered last week. The culprit, though originally believed to be the Janjaweed, a paramilitary group responsible for much of the... »
President Bush Refuses to Pull Out of Mrs. Bush
Monday, April 23rd, 2007
View this issue’s print version President Bush vowed today at a press conference that he would not pull out of his wife Laura Bush, until “the mission is accomplished.” “There’s a lot of work left to be done,” the President continued, “and pulling out now would be a huge mistake.” The President held the speech to... »
College Republicans To Host ‘Take Back Georgetown’s Gays’
Monday, April 23rd, 2007
View this issue’s print version The Georgetown University College Republicans announced that they will sponsor a campus-wide event known as “Take Back Georgetown’s Gays,” which they hope will eventually lead to the ousting of homosexual students from the school, and ultimately the world. TBGG is scheduled for February 28th of this year and is part of... »
Catholic Church Bans Mastication
Monday, April 23rd, 2007
View this issue’s print version The Vatican decided earlier today, under new orders from Pope Benedict XVI, to move to ban mastication and declare it a cardinal sin. The move will likely be controversial among liberal Catholics and those who masticate often. The papal declaration, announced this morning in Rome, is already receiving harsh criticism. Archbishop... »
OBITUARY: Remembering Sweet Barbaro Barbaro
Monday, April 23rd, 2007
View this issue’s print version There’s been a lot written in the last few months on our fallen comrade Barbaro, but much of it is slanderous libel and filth. It is impossible to separate Barbaro from his life and so we won’t try to, even though we have the technology. Let us take a trip... »
ADVICE: Ask A Drunk Freshman On The Village A Rooftops
Monday, April 23rd, 2007
View this issue’s print version Dear Drunk Freshman On The Village A Rooftops, I don’t know what to do with my boyfriend! We’ve been together since junior year in high school, but it’s been real hard lately. He goes to college in the Midwest, and I never get to see him. We decided... »
Top 10 Pornos You’ll (Probably) Never See
Monday, April 23rd, 2007
View this issue’s print version Black Cock Down*: The heart-wrenching story of a large black man with erectile dysfunction, who has to defy all the odds to get laid. Catchphrase: He wants to get down with the ladies, but first he’s gotta get up. Schindler’s Piss: It’s August of 1943 and Schindler’s hiding hundreds of hot,... »
