In this issue we talked to two students who manage to balance their academics with other activities and make a positive difference on campus: Doug Jones, a football player and senior in the College, and Tim Collins, an activist and junior in the School of Foreign Service.
Preston: Doug, last season you exceeded all expectations by successfully managing to overcome the efforts of at least one opposing team in at least one game. What strategies do you think had the greatest contribution to your success?
Doug: Well, I uh, we, uh, what?
Preston: I suppose the question I’m trying to pose is, how do you think you managed to have such success?
Doug: Wait, what?
Preston: How you win one game?
Doug: Oh. Um, sometimes we go to field and practice. Also I ate a lot which was good. But you can’t eat too much or you get slow out there.
Preston: Oh. Yes. Next question: I think all students can find the demands of their classes to be taxing at times. How is it that you manage to balance your time between the demands of your sport and your academics?
Doug: Classes are hard.
Preston: Could you elaborate?
Doug: They take time and make my head hurt.
Preston: Okay thank you so much for your time.
Preston: Tim, tell us a little about your work and your goals and what got you started in it.
Tim: Wait, about what?
Preston: The conflict in Darfur.
Tim: Where’s that?
Preston: In Sudan.
Tim: Is that Africa or something?
Tim: Oh, well, umm, in Darfur a lot of bad things have been happening, like people killing people and people dying and people being killed and stuff. Look I’ll be honest; I really didn’t realize you were going to be talking about Africa. I think really shows your lack of character that you would ask me about Africa. Why do you have to make this so hard for me? I just want to do this interview and not have you try to ruin it with your Africa stuff.
Preston: Is there something else you would like to talk about?
Tim: Yeah, the genocide in Darfur’s totally last year. I’m all about Gaza now. I mean the things that the Israelis are doing are absolutely horrible and I don’t understand how you can just sit there and do nothing. The Israelis literally walked into Gaza and just killed people. How would you feel if I bombed your house? How would you feel, really?
Preston: Do you want me to answer that?
Preston: I would be angry.
Tim: That’s right! They literally walked in bombed houses and killed babies and you’re doing nothing about it. Imagine you’re a baby. Really, imagine it. Are you imagining it?
Tim: Good. Now imagine you’re just sitting around doing baby stuff, and then: BAM, I BUST INTO YOUR HOUSE AND I’M AN ISRAELI SOLDIER AND I SHOOT YOU. HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW, YOU DEAD BABY, HOW DO YOU FEEL?
Preston: Not good, I guess.
Tim: That’s right. Because you’re dead. Now imagine I start raping you. What now? Do you want to be raped, you dead baby?
Tim: Well TOO BAD because that’s what happened by you not opposing the Zionist war. You are a worthless baby. Yes, you are lucky enough to lose your virginity before it becomes weird, but you are sitting there doing nothing about the world around you, and you just let the Israelis bomb your crib.
Preston: Okay, thank you for your time, Tim.
Tim: Stop talking. You make my head hurt.