FROM THE EDITOR OF THE HOYA: If You Were Smarter You’d Think It Was Funny

Note: The following is a guest “from the editor” column from the embattled former editor of The Hoya, Andrew Dwulet.

Several weeks ago, The Hoya, Georgetown’s most widely read campus publication, of which I was then editor-in-chief, published its annual, ruthlessly satirical “April Fools Issue.” “You people” were upset, and I thought it might be helpful in the name of diversity and dialogue to clear up a few misunderstandings.

First of all, The Hoya knows funny. We watch TBS. We know what we’re doing. We are professionals. Who are you anyways? I don’t give a shit if you think you’re promoting diversity, you’re an idiot. You don’t get the joke about interracial fucking? Jesus fucking Christ. How did you even get into Georgetown? Oh, I think I know. Yeah, that’s right I said it, and now I’m gonna write a joke article about that, and it’s going to be hilarious and satirical. What’s that you say? I don’t know what satire is? Fuck you. Let me define satire for you: Go fuck yourself. Satire is whatever the hell I want it to be.

Whoa. Breathe. Breathe. Ok, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten so excited. That was out of line. What I’m trying to say is that you’re just not reading the articles closely enough. Satire isn’t just making a bunch of dick jokes and then calling it a day. It requires painstaking writing and rewritinging. It’s about taking reality and skewering it to make a point indirectly, subtly, and cleverly. We’re satirists. Lord knows we don’t do any fucking journalism. That’s too easy. Anyone can go out and find stories, interview people and maintain a critical campus eye. What we do is make people laugh.

I understand that a lot of people were upset by this year’s issue and that’s ok. But don’t lash out against us. That’s called “projection” and I learned it in Psych 304. You’re a racist and you project that onto The Hoya.

Let me explain to you why the joke issue was hilarious and why you don’t get it. Comedy isn’t for everyone, it’s for the elites—those who are smart enough to be able to write cutting satire on interracial fucking without any regard for what they’re actually saying or promoting.

You thought I should resign? You should be the one resigning. From telling me I should have resigned.

Interracial fucking is an important campus issue. “Oh but Mr. Hoya you just latched onto one of the worst racial stereotypes that has been used as the justifications for the lynching of thousands of African Americans in the south since slavery, that black men want to rape white women.” Bullshit! What we were making fun of was someone who challenged The Hoya and we did so by turning his diversity campaign into a sexually crazed need for white women. See the difference? One is racist, the other is hilariously satirical.

That’s the key to satire. Take a racist stereotype and then curse or add sexual innuendo (or possibly both). Bam! Instant satire. A few examples: Asians think math is fucking sexy. Satire! Black men want to fuck white women. Satire! Jews are fucking greedy. Satire!

I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you don’t think The Hoya is funny, it’s probably because you’re not smart enough to understand our sophisticated sense of humor. The interracial fucking article wasn’t just about black virility, it was also about kinetic intersexual politics in a post-racial, gender ambiguous society. If you don’t see that, then I feel sorry for you. So lighten up and take a joke, otherwise fuck off and let us do our jobs. Man, it’s so cool to write “fuck.”