HENLE— The newly initiated freshmen members of the Georgetown Program Board leadership are in stable condition today at Georgetown University Hospital after having too much wholesome fun at a club initiation party Saturday night. GERMS, the student EMS service, responded to the scene at 11:32 P.M. after receiving several panicked calls from the party. “Primarily, we... »
WALSH—The solution to Georgetown’s traditional freshman “Problem of God” course was discovered this past Friday morning after more than a decade of fruitless searching. Initial reports indicate that Keith Vincent, a freshman in the College, solved the problem towards the end of Fr. Michaels’ lecture on St. Thomas Aquinas, when “this one girl at... »
JES RES—For much of its history, Georgetown University was run by Jesuit priests. The entire administration was Jesuits. All the classes were taught by Jesuits. The sports were coached by Jesuits. Jesuits janitors cleaned the bathrooms and Jesuit cops broke up parties in Henle. Jesuits, not koi, lived and swam in the pond next... »
HEALY—With his combination of folksy aphorisms, hard truths, and simple kindness, Healy Hall janitor Wilmer Dawes has injected fresh optimism into Georgetown University President Jack DeGioia’s previously wilting life, according to sources in the President’s Office. Dawes reportedly first came to DeGioia’s attention one late night in mid-September, when the University president was studying financial... »
I suppose it was just a matter of time before we saw another slew of hate crimes. University life is cyclical. Autumn arrives and the lively green trees that greeted us at the beginning of the semester soon turn fiery and let go of their leaves. Spring breaks through the winter... »
Dear Freshman Losing His Virginity, I told one of my best friends that I had a crush on him when we were drunk on Saturday and now I really regret it! He’s been super awkward around me and when I text him to see if he wants to grab dinner at Leo’s he always has... »
There’s been a lot of talk around campus lately about the recent string of so-called hate crimes. Students and faculty alike have been up in arms claiming that Georgetown isn’t a place for hate. And I agree. There’s no place at an academic institution for hate or hateful speech. But I do hope there... »
Well, the fall semester is nearly over, and it looks like the hard work of the registrar’s office is just about wrapped up. Yes sir, nothing left to do now but sit back, look over some course reviews, and…oh, God dammit! Are you kids trying to register for classes again? Un-fucking-believable. Well, I’ve got... »
McDONOUGH—Despite its realistic letterhead and fancy cursive handwriting, a fake doctor’s note failed to excuse junior Nikita Mescheriakov from his basketball team’s layup drill on Sunday. The note, which requested that the 6’7” small forward be allowed to sit out of practice as a result of “major appendicitis” and “also some headaches” was produced... »
RED SQAURE—Students from a variety of campus groups joined together in Red Square Tuesday night to hold a candlelight vigil in remembrance of past candle vigils failing to usher in change. “As we gather here tonight, we recall the pain and sorrow and wasted time candle vigils have caused us in the past. For... »
