FEATURE: Unpublished Results from the SMURF Survey

The Georgetown Heckler has obtained results from the most recent SMURF survey that have never been published on a poster from the group.  They are printed here below.

90% of Hoyas wait until they are sober to get an abortion

88% of Hoyas drink alcohol before and after partying

70% of Hoyas know from experience that Leo’s tastes better drunk

50% of Hoyas know from experience that Fr. Leo J. O’Donovan tastes better drunk

85% of Hoyas have only one STD

50% of Hoyas have unexplained bruises the night after a party

32% of Hoyas have unexplained appendages the night after a party

30% of Hoyas have been date raped by somebody while date raping somebody else

13% of Hoyas think roofies  are an essential part of a good mixed drink

50% of Hoyas have accidentally put it into the wrong hole while drunk

30% of them got away with it

83% of Hoyas have attended a class drunk but left before it ended because they were losing their buzz

7% of Hoyas have played beer pong while taking a final

60% of Hoyas consider being blackout drunk a form of consent and joking about being blackout drunk a form of consent

10% of Hoyas who took this survey were drunk at the time

90% of Hoyas who took this survey are in SMURF