ANC Demands University Hospital be Moved by 2011, University by 2013

BURLEITH–On the heels of some its members’ recent demands for the relocation of Georgetown University Hospital within the next two years, this past Thursday saw Georgetown’s Advisory Neighborhood Commission (ANC) issue a formal request for the University as a whole to move itself by 2013.

“Moving the hospital provides a temporary solution for the University’s excessive growth, but moving the University eliminates the root of the problem,” said ANC Commissioner Josh Tarbott. “The University has been encroaching on its neighbors’ space for over 200 years. We’re just trying to find a reasonable way for the University and its neighbors to co-exist, and the best way to do that is for the University to not exist here.”

Fellow ANC member Trina Brown agreed, noting that “the University has simply gotten far too large for our liking. Universities mean students, and students mean parties, noise, and garbage. We have already asked the University to eliminate its students, but they have been shockingly unwilling to negotiate. The only fair compromise is for the University to move to one of the many open locations around D.C. where its presence will not personally inconvenience us.”

“This isn’t an outrageous request,” concluded Tarbott. “We aren’t telling them where to go. They have our expressed permission to move wherever they want. We simply demand that all students, faculty, and buildings vacate our land as quickly as possible.”