Giddy DeGioia, Olson, The Hoya Ask If They’re Allowed to Call Any of Their Other Critics Racist

LEAVEY—University President Jack DeGioia, Vice President for Student Affairs Todd Olson, and the editor-in-chief of The Hoya had a secret meeting with campus SCUnity and NAACP leaders Tuesday night in order to find out if they’re allowed to demonize any of their other critics as racist. “I can’t tell you how fun it is to call people you don’t like racist in the national media,” Olson reportedly told the campus leaders. “It must be like a constant party for you guys. An awesome respectable, quiet, alcohol-free party.”

Sources close to NAACP President Amber Simmons say Simmons was angry at finding out the meaning of the meeting and quickly left despite DeGioia pleading with her to look at a list of names and tell him if they had done anything he could say was offensive.

Hoya editor Francis Prodi was the only one at the meeting willing to comment for this article. “Oh man, bro, we just looked so good in all of this, acting hurt and being able to condemn someone else for being offensive,” said Prodi. “I think if we can call, like, three more people who say we’re a terrible newspaper racist, we can trick UWire into giving us a bunch of awards this year.”

Provost James O’Donnell was also at the meeting, on the floor shaking and whispering to himself in Latin as DeGioia held onto the leash of the child harness O’Donnell was wearing.