Magis Row Accepts Proposal For “Todd Olson Friendship House”

N STREET–Citing the need for “greater student-faculty partnership,” officials from Georgetown’s Office of Residence Life announced this past Friday that a “Todd Olson Friendship House” would be joining next year’s lineup of Magis Row townhouses.

In accordance with Magis Row’s goal of “allowing groups of students to explore their shared interests with Georgetown faculty and the greater community,” the students occupying the Todd Olson house will work together with Olson to develop their interest in “being Todd’s friend,” and “not being mean to Todd.” Though no students proposed the theme themselves, Olson and colleagues determined that the need for such a house was great enough to propose it on behalf of the administration.

Olson outlined the reasons for establishing the house, saying that “It is only right that the best and brightest from Georgetown’s vibrant community of leaders and scholars are given the chance to learn from, listen to, and stave off soul-crushing loneliness with such an illustrious mentor as Todd A. Olson.”

“Just because those stupid kids back in high school didn’t understand what they were missing doesn’t mean our next generation has to make the same mistakes,” added Olson.

Like other houses on Magis Row, the Todd Olson Friendship community will feature a variety of projects and events throughout the year designed to promote its theme. While volunteers to live in the house have yet to be found, Olson and the Office of Residence Life have already begun planning next year’s events.

A source present at a sparsely-attended planning session held at Olson’s condo reports that prospective events include “Remembering Todd Olson’s Birthday: A Symposium,” “There’s Always Seconds! Cooking for One with Todd Olson,” and “Todd’s Take: Peeping Tom or Friend-in-Waiting?”

Olson enthusiastically noted that townhouse occupants can also expect to host dinners for him on special occasions, such as “when my power is out,” “when my power is out again,” and “ when, wouldn’t you know it, my power went out again! Third time this week! Crazy, huh?”

“Whatever lucky students end up in this house better prepare themselves for a wild time,” said Olson. “I know people might be intimidated by my authority and the musky, masculine scent wafting out of my short-sleeved dress shirts, but that’s ‘Business Todd.’ ‘Party Todd’ is hiding right beneath the ruddy, pockmarked surface.”

“‘Business Todd is the man you aspire to be as you see him stride confidently across campus by himself on a weekday morning. ‘Party Todd’ is the guy who shows up at your door at 7pm on a Saturday night with a DVD of Wild Hogs and a 12-pack of Totino’s Pizza Rolls just because he can’t stand another minute alone in his empty condo without jumping in front of a GUTS bus. That’s the Todd the occupants of this townhouse will be getting to know.”

Though Olson acknowledged his surprise at the townhouse’s current vacancy, he assured the Heckler that demand to occupy the house would soon rise. “It’s only a matter of time before word gets out. Georgetown’s students have no idea what they’re missing,” Olson said as he completed his game of online Scrabble.