Archive for February, 2010

Public Masturbators Celebrate Expansion of University Wireless

Sunday, February 28th, 2010
Public Masturbators Celebrate Expansion of University Wireless

COPLEY LAWN–Georgetown’s community of public masturbators rejoiced this past Wednesday as University officials announced plans to expand the availability of wireless internet on campus. Though the long-awaited announcement was celebrated across all corners of campus, the news brought particular joy to the dark alleys and cramped library study carrels in which Georgetown’s public... »

Student’s First Drug Deal Fails to Live Up to Expectations

Sunday, February 28th, 2010
Student’s First Drug Deal Fails to Live Up to Expectations

DARNALL–Freshman Kevin Trammel’s (COL ‘13) first drug-purchasing experience fell disappointingly short of expectations this past weekend, the 18-year-old said Tuesday. “I always thought my first drug buy would be filled with danger and intrigue but it ended up just being kind of boring,” said Trammel. “Not once did I feel threatened even a... »

Fake Girlfriend More Popular Than Student Who Invented Her

Sunday, February 28th, 2010
Fake Girlfriend More Popular Than Student Who Invented Her

HARBIN–What began as an innocent Valentine’s Day lie has spiraled embarrassingly out of control for one Georgetown freshman. Though Michael Lipton (SFS’13) simply wished to avoid the questions and looks of pity that occasionally accompany a Valentine’s Day spent alone, the fake girlfriend he crafted as an excuse to disguise his loneliness has... »

ADMINISTRATOR’S CORNER: Snow, Blood, Coping

Sunday, February 28th, 2010
ADMINISTRATOR’S CORNER: Snow, Blood, Coping

Dear young man approaching me in this dark night, Why hello. You seem to be breathing quite hard. I detect the sweet stench of a certain mass-produced, low-cost yeast-fermented beverage, do I not? What may you be doing out in the wee hours of this— Oww. Oww. You, sir, are punching... »

OP-ED: I Found The Cutest Little Riot Downtown That You Just Have to Check Out

Sunday, February 28th, 2010
OP-ED: I Found The Cutest Little Riot Downtown That You Just <i>Have</i> to Check Out

I meet a lot of people in my line of work, and almost without fail, people say the same thing when we meet, “Hey Phil, I’m only in town for the weekend, can you recommend a riot I should go to?” This is often quite a source of embarrassment, because while I am a... »

Lau Not Up To Homeless Man’s Standards

Sunday, February 28th, 2010

LAUINGER–Washington, DC native and local homeless man Chester Walsh (GW ’76) was overheard saying that “he could do better” as he exited Georgetown’s Lauinger Library late Thursday afternoon. Though the library’s liberal entrance policies have earned it a reputation among the area’s homeless community as a popular daytime hangout spot, Walsh expressed disappointment... »

Vox Populi Blogger Forgets to Include Factual Error

Sunday, February 28th, 2010

LEAVEY–Vox Populi blogger Kate Bradley (COL ’11) faced scrutiny this weekend after failing to include the publication’s customary factual error in her most recent post. Despite ample opportunity for mistakes, Bradley’s post “Walsh Gallery to Host Local Art Festival” correctly identified all relevant names, organizations, locations, dates, and times. Though the embarrassing gaffe... »

Other Headlines

Sunday, February 28th, 2010

Entire Lacrosse Team Unaware Classes Canceled For a Week ... »