FROM THE EDITOR: Under New Management
The Georgetown Heckler has undergone much change throughout its storied 102-year history. From its humble beginnings as a classifieds page for D.C.’s women of the night to its current status as online news-judger par excellence, the Heckler has had its ups and downs. But through it all it has always prided itself on fine reporting, indisputable fact checking, and advertising for the finest harems this side of Wisconsin Ave.
So it is with bold optimism towards the future and a limited sense of moral clarity, that we are proud to announce a new Editor-In-Chief for this year: me, the person writing this. As the new captain of this vessel it is my privilege to commandeer the stern of the ship that is the editor-in-chief role, which I will steer towards calm waters, etcetera, etcetera, more maritime references. But don’t think this honor has gone to my head or has made me incredibly paranoid. I’m the same *WITHELD FOR SECURITY PURPOSES* year old lad I was before and am in no way worried that my new position of power makes me a target for a rapidly growing list of enemies, both foreign and domestic. Why if anyone has any complaints they can shoot me an email at *WITHELD FOR SECURITY PURPOSES* or just stop by my place at *WITHELD FOR SECURITY PURPOSES* over near the *WITHELD FOR SECURITY PURPOSES*.
But I assure you, loyal reader, that I do not take this responsibility lightly. I will work tirelessly to make sure that fellow Hoyas and readers from around the world know the facts and nothing but the facts plus whatever salacious rumors I see fit to publish. For instance, do you know one of Georgetown’s Deans likes to kidnap people for the sheer perverse thrill? Feel free to guess which one, but I think you know who.
I think I’ll sign off now. I have to get back to breaking more stories, by which I mean wiretapping the offices of POLITICO.
Listen to me and only me,
JOHN Q. PUBLIC
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF, The Georgetown Heckler