It’s that time of year when Georgetown seniors are going on job interviews and trying to secure gainful employment for life after college. As someone who has endured rigorous interviews at top financial institutions like Merrill Lynch, I would like to share these helpful tips with you job-seekers out there so you don’t make... »
Author Archive
Ten Helpful Tips for Your Interview with the Merrill Lynch Junior Analyst Program
Monday, March 1st, 2004
OP-ED: Bungee Jumping Is Today's Version of Natural Selection
Sunday, April 27th, 2003
With the advent of modern medicine, the availability of a nutritious diet, and our relatively danger-free lives, Darwin’s theories about evolution seemed to be all but obsolete in the twentieth century…until a few tie-dyed douche bags decided to start jumping off bridges with huge rubber bands tied around their ankles. That’s right, folks: bungee... »
Top Ten Signs That It's Almost Summer
Sunday, April 27th, 2003
1. Red Square reeks of liberals’ sweaty Birkenstocks. 2. Freshman football players finally find the library. 3. You eat 8 meals a day in New South to use up the 37 remaining meals from your 45-meal program…you then develop typhoid. 4. Still, no one knows what the hell a “provost” does. 5. The weather is so warm that... »
Georgetown IM Conversations
Sunday, April 27th, 2003
SweetHoya69: Yo, bro. Could you remember to bring my lax stick when you come over? GU05: Yeah. I’ll make a mental note of it. SweetHoya69: Ok. Cool, bro. GU05: Oh fuck…I can’t find any mental pens. HoyaSaxa!: Hey, what are you up to? HarbinRockStar: CUITFPOTFCBIHNFASWTB HoyaSaxa!: What? HarbinRockStar: Curled Up In The Fetal Position On The Floor Crying Because I Have... »
Profile: Two-Sport Sensation Mike Sweeney
Sunday, April 6th, 2003
Mike Sweeney has captivated Hoya sports fans all year long on both the lacrosse field and the basketball court. “Big Mike,” as he is known around campus, has taken the hilltop by storm with his success with the basketball team and the lacrosse team. At Hoya hoops games, Georgetown fans eagerly cheer “Big Mike, Big... »
Bush Halts War Because of Red Square Protests
Monday, March 24th, 2003
President George W. Bush abruptly pulled American troops out of the Persian Gulf region, effectively ending Operation Iraqi Freedom, because of Georgetown students’ valiant protests in Red Square. The war in Iraq had raged for several days when Bush made the call. The decision to pull out was made after receiving word that as many... »
Saddam Gets Serious About Looking Great For Spring
Monday, March 24th, 2003
It was clear to anyone watching Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein’s televised speech last Wednesday that he was dead serious…about looking great for the spring season! Watch out fashion fans, or you might get Saddamized. The timeless style of Hussein lies in his simplistic focus on ensemble-oriented dressing. His newest addition: a stylish black beret, which... »
Fox Unleashes New Reality Show 'Joe Terminal Cancer'
Thursday, February 27th, 2003
If you liked Fox’s hit reality show ‘Joe Millionaire,’ then you’ll love what’s in store this fall’s season…‘Joe Terminal Cancer.’ The new series will follow a format similar to ‘Joe Millionaire.’ A group of twenty women will compete for the affection of a lucky bachelor, who will in turn select his bride-to-be after a series... »
ACLU Defends Troll, Former Occupant of GO-Card Office under Leavey Bridge
Thursday, February 27th, 2003
The Troll that previously lived in the Go Card office under the Leavey Center Bridge is suing Georgetown University. The Troll claims that he was unfairly and maliciously displaced him from his home. ACLU lawyer Roslyn Tilman described the Troll’s plight in a press conference yesterday. “The troll has occupied that space undisturbed for years,”... »
Top Ten Things to Do On Healy Lawn
Thursday, February 27th, 2003
1. Sacrifice a lamb to the omnipotent Judy Johnson of the Office of Student Conduct 2. Pretend that Lauinger Library is not the ugliest building ever created by mankind 3. Burn Coach Esherick in effigy 4. Pretend like you’re not masturbating as the girls lacrosse team walks home from practice 5. Fall in and out of seizures produced... »
