HEALY–The source of a string of fires on Georgetown’s campus has been traced to rambunctious University President Jack DeGioia’s recent discovery of matches, Department of Public Safety officials reported Thursday. While the fires in New South, New North, and Harbin Hall had stumped DPS officers seeking to determine their cause for weeks, investigators... »
BURLIETH–B-Frat Bro Jake Childress’ (MSB ’12) life reached its pinnacle late Friday night after his IM softball team’s 9th Inning comeback victory coincided with the delivery of three thirty-racks of Busch Light to his fraternity’s off-campus house. “It doesn’t get any better than this,” a euphoric Childress was heard to shout as he shotgunned... »
HEALY LAWN–Members of the student group “Plan A: Hoyas for Reproductive Justice” protested Georgetown’s conservative sexual health policies this past weekend by having unprotected sex with accepted high school students visiting on their GAAP weekend. Plan A members impregnated and/or infected the high schoolers on Healy lawn while shouting slogans highlighting the cost... »
COPLEY LAWN–Georgetown’s community of public masturbators rejoiced this past Wednesday as University officials announced plans to expand the availability of wireless internet on campus. Though the long-awaited announcement was celebrated across all corners of campus, the news brought particular joy to the dark alleys and cramped library study carrels in which Georgetown’s public... »
DARNALL–Freshman Kevin Trammel’s (COL ‘13) first drug-purchasing experience fell disappointingly short of expectations this past weekend, the 18-year-old said Tuesday. “I always thought my first drug buy would be filled with danger and intrigue but it ended up just being kind of boring,” said Trammel. “Not once did I feel threatened even a... »
LAUINGER–Washington, DC native and local homeless man Chester Walsh (GW ’76) was overheard saying that “he could do better” as he exited Georgetown’s Lauinger Library late Thursday afternoon. Though the library’s liberal entrance policies have earned it a reputation among the area’s homeless community as a popular daytime hangout spot, Walsh expressed disappointment... »
LEAVEY–Vox Populi blogger Kate Bradley (COL ’11) faced scrutiny this weekend after failing to include the publication’s customary factual error in her most recent post. Despite ample opportunity for mistakes, Bradley’s post “Walsh Gallery to Host Local Art Festival” correctly identified all relevant names, organizations, locations, dates, and times. Though the embarrassing gaffe... »
N STREET–Citing the need for “greater student-faculty partnership,” officials from Georgetown’s Office of Residence Life announced this past Friday that a “Todd Olson Friendship House” would be joining next year’s lineup of Magis Row townhouses. In accordance with Magis Row’s goal of “allowing groups of students to explore their shared interests with Georgetown faculty... »
LEAVEY–The heated debate over Georgetown’s controversial anti-condom stance was reignited this past week as sources revealed the significant role lobbyists for the dumpster-baby industry played in shaping University policy on the subject. Though administrators have long asserted that the University policy banning the sale of condoms on campus was designed solely to conform with... »
Though my first issue as editor of this illustrious publication should be a time of celebration, I feel I have no choice but to break from the traditional coke-fueled orgies of an editor’s first week to address the troubling accusations that have been directed at the Heckler since the publication of our last issue.... »
