VERIZON CENTER–With a top 15 national ranking, several marquee wins and a deep run in March well within the realm of possibility, the Hoya men’s basketball team and their fans are finally putting the memories of last season’s collapse behind them. While fans and reporters alike have spent countless hours searching for an... »
BURLEITH–On the heels of some its members’ recent demands for the relocation of Georgetown University Hospital within the next two years, this past Thursday saw Georgetown’s Advisory Neighborhood Commission (ANC) issue a formal request for the University as a whole to move itself by 2013. “Moving the hospital provides a... »
The Georgetown Heckler has obtained results from the most recent SMURF survey that have never been published on a poster from the group. They are printed here below. 90% of Hoyas wait until they are sober to get an abortion 88% of Hoyas drink alcohol before and after partying 70% of Hoyas know from experience that Leo’s... »
HENLE— The newly initiated freshmen members of the Georgetown Program Board leadership are in stable condition today at Georgetown University Hospital after having too much wholesome fun at a club initiation party Saturday night. GERMS, the student EMS service, responded to the scene at 11:32 P.M. after receiving several panicked calls from the party. “Primarily, we... »
DARNALL—Officials from the Student Health Center have determined that an Asian American Student Association party last weekend is the source of a mass outbreak of yellow fever that has swept across Georgetown’s Caucasian population. While less than 100 students have sought treatment for the condition, administrators estimate that more than 1000 students have been... »
MAGUIRE—After having an earth-shattering epiphany while reading the assigned reading over the weekend, John Schaffer (SFS ’13) came to Monday night’s teaching-assistant-led International Relations discussion section to reveal the world’s first sure-fire solution for everlasting global peace. When the teaching assistant, doctoral candidate Doug Paulson, finally opened the floor to questions, Schaffer finally had... »
THE TOMBS—After a couple pints of Tombs Ale Thursday night, senior Ted Glickstein (COL’10) reported to those within earshot his fear of actually having to date girls after college in order to have sex with them. “Can you imagine having to buy them dinner and learn about their job before even getting a kiss... »
HEALY—Georgetown President DeGioia expressed “serious disappointment” in a press release Monday after finding the University left off GQ’s recent list of the top 25 “douchiest colleges.” “We feel GQ has made a serious error in judgment,” DeGioia wrote. “Providing the best environment for docuhebags has always been the core objective of our institution, and... »
