Students who have been left in limbo after being denied housing for next year can take a sigh of relief. Rising Georgetown upperclassmen will be provided housing in the University’s new ‘South East Quadrangle’ located in the heart of crime-riddled South East Washington, DC. Students’ prayers have been answered by the least likely source. The... »
Author Archive
Housing Crisis Solved As South East Quadrangle Opens
Monday, March 24th, 2003
Georgetown Remains Open As Apocalypse Nears
Thursday, February 27th, 2003
Despite the recent arrival of the Apocalypse and the virtual destruction of all mankind, University Provost James J. O’Donnell has decided that Georgetown University will remain open for business. “I don’t see why we should cancel classes for a little fire and brimstone,” O’Donnell said. Commuting professors and students expressed anger after calling 687-SNOW to... »
Student Activities Committee Will Not Recognize Pen Fifteen Club
Monday, February 10th, 2003
Georgetown’s Student Activities Commission (SAC) has officially rejected the PEN15 Club’s application seeking official recognition by the University. Because of this rejection, the PEN15 club will be denied a table at the SAC fair, funding from the school, and an office in the Leavey Center. “Georgetown’s SAC is just not ready for a PEN15 of... »
New Study: Philosophy Classes Best Cure For Insomnia
Monday, February 10th, 2003
Georgetown’s Philosophy department is a safe, all-natural sleep-inducer, according to a recent study by Health Education Services (HES). “Sleep loss has become an epidemic at Georgetown, dozens of students come to the HES office every week complaining that they can’t sleep at night…we used to recommend sleeping aids such as Excedrin PM or Nyquil, but... »
You Might Be in the SFS If…
Monday, January 27th, 2003
*You sit in the front row of every class. *Your hand is raised more than its not. *You ask questions which confuse the teacher. *Your questions have little to no relevance to the class discussion. *You’ve ever asked a question to make yourself look smarter than the rest of the class. *Every time you open your mouth the normal... »
