Widespread protests across the United States entered their third week as tens of thousands of apparently disenfranchised people continued to take to the streets from Washington D.C. to Los Angeles. Whatever message the protestors have been meaning to get across has been marred by their failure to use the English language, the common... »
Editor’s Note: Since the following e-mails were actually sent and received by real people who may or may not be affiliated with The Georgetown Heckler, the names of any persons and/or companies involved have been replaced with reasonable substitutes in order to cover our ass. From: rwilliams@shittyibank.com To: jed.bartlet@ihateclowns.com Date: Oct 13, 2005 5:15 AM Subject: SIB College Recruiting... »
Oh Jackie, remember when we sat beneath the stars on the Leavey Esplanade and talked until the sun crested over the treetops in the east? You told me so many sweet and exciting things. Things that I wished I could just replay over and over again in my head. Do you... »
Tragedy struck again this afternoon in Iraq when an OH-58 Kiowa Warrior helicopter went down near the northern city of Mosul. Two pilots and five Marines onboard have been confirmed dead by Coalition authorities. According to witnesses, the crash was caused by several large green blocks seemingly suspended in mid-air. After making a number... »
Georgetown University’s most notable landmark got a technological makeover this past week with the long-awaited conversion of the Healy Clock tower from analog to digital display. The project came as the next stage of Georgetown’s Third Century Campaign and holds particularly symbolic significance for the administration. “Georgetown’s founder, John Carroll, was always a firm supporter... »
PYONGYANG, North Korea – In another act of defiance against international demands that it open its borders to U.N. weapons inspectors, North Korea announced today that it would “definitely consider” dropping F-bombs should the United States continue its aggressive behavior. Foreign analysts predict this will have a particularly negative impact on the already unstable diplomatic... »
In response to a rash of recent violent crimes against Georgetown residents, Metropolitan Police Department released a statement earlier this week that patrolling officers will only be enforcing crimes classified as Class C Misdemeanors and lower from Wisconsin Avenue to all points west. The policy change has been hailed by local officials as “finally focusing... »
Fraudulent enthusiasm on campus sky rocketed to a near all-time high this past week as New Student Orientation greeted incoming freshmen and transfers with four days of activities and events exhibiting an entirely false sense of student pride for Georgetown University. This year’s NSO, themed “Georgetown Fucking Rules”, comes as the result of over a... »
NEW YORK – Officials stockpiled wooden barricades today throughout Manhattan in preparation for next week’s long-anticipated Georgetown Day celebrations. Security is being stepped up in all major American cities as plans are finalized for Tuesday’s festivities. Authorities in across the country have expressed safety concerns because attendance figures are expected to reach well into the... »
