1. Vandalism is a great way to spend a weekend night. This Saturday afternoon, instead of buying beer for binge drinking, buy eggs, toilet paper, and spray paint. Late at night, destroy as much property as possible, and spray paint gang symbols so that it looks like the vandals were minorities. ... »
Former Poet Laureate, The Bum outside Wiseys, celebrated his successful lobbying of Wisemiller’s Deli (Wiseys) to sell subs for a non whole number. With every customer leaving Wiseys with change in their pocket, the Bum expects to go up by pi percent. When asked how he came up with the number 3.14,... »
Sources close to Georgetown Heckler founder Justin Droms report that the former editor is having trouble adjusting to post-college life. Jobless and lonely, the Hoya legend known as Corky St. Clair has returned home where his mother makes his bed every day. On weekends she makes him French toast shaped like kegs. Despite... »
Recognizing The Georgetown Heckler’s monopoly on penis humor, the Voice has initiated an initiative to capitalize on the market’s lack of fallopian tube humor. In a press conference attended by nobody, Voice spokesman Brandon Sloane announced the decision: “Although the penis is a funny subject, we feel that the long slender tubes from which... »
2003 NCAA Tournament MVP Carmello Anthony announced Friday that he will leave Syracuse after his freshman year for an MBA. His Master’s of Business Administration degree should prove to be a valuable asset and will most likely lead to gainful employment at a top investment bank. This news comes as no surprise to basketball fans,... »
Chicken Madness When someone takes orders for Wisey’s, and you say, “You know what I want, bro: Chicken Madness!” then you’re a giant tool. You most likely listen to Dave Matthews, only drink on the weekends, never tried weed, and wanted to join the Business fraternity, only you weren’t even cool enough for them,... »
“Gonorrhea” Some call you the clap Hurts to pee when I see ya Damn gonorrhea “Crabs” Wish I didn’t have Pediculosis Pubis There’s bugs in my crotch “Herpes” Itches everywhere Anus, vagina, penis Wish I had valtrax “Syphilis” Got so drunk one night Hooked up with an ugly girl Burning sensation “Genital Warts” Lumps on my ding dong This rash looks so goddamn weird Girlfriend’s gonna yell »
1. Teach him to say, “On the way back, brotha” in Spanish. 2. Offer him $20 to write your senior thesis (he’ll probably do a better job than you anyway). 3. Give him an IOU and never pay him back. 4. Pull your jacket over your head and run right by him. 5. Explain that you know that... »
Georgetown University will host a new FOX reality series entitled, “Who wants to get laid by a millionaire survivor when animals attack?” Georgetown and FOX presidents Jack DeGioia and Jack Hanson announced yesterday. The basic premise of the show is as follows: Students will be randomly selected to ensure that the participants on the show... »
In response to his nationally acclaimed poem, “You got any change?” The Bum Outside Wisemillers was named the 16th American Poet Laureate. The nomination, heavily opposed by many conservative literary critics, would not have been possible without the lobbying of previous Poet Laureate Billy Collins, who described The Bum Outside Wisemillers (or as he has... »
