Author Archive
BREAKING: New South Fire Traced to Jack the Bulldog Self-Immolation
Saturday, December 12th, 2009
SAC Creates New ‘SAC Fund’ to Pay for Expenses Incurred in Not Funding Student Groups
Saturday, December 12th, 2009
LEAVEY—The Student Activities Commission voted Monday to create a new alternative source of funding for the process of not giving funding to student groups. The “SAC Fund” is aimed at what SAC says is a grossly inadequately funded part of what their organization does. “Everywhere I go on campus, people get in my face, hurl... »
FROM THE EDITOR: Georgetown Must Never Forget Its Half-Assed Catholic Identity
Saturday, December 12th, 2009
As I finish up my last week of finals as a Georgetown undergrad and prepare to enter the real world, I should be elated that it’s all over and excited about my new job as a junior associate in the exciting field of child-murdering / child-murdering-financial-services consultancy. But I’m not. I feel melancholic because... »
Freshman Herd Gets Lost After Party in Burleith, Stampedes into Windshield of Passing Saferides Van
Saturday, December 12th, 2009
BURLEITH—A panicked, confused herd of freshmen stormed into the streets of Burleith late Saturday night, running right into a Saferides van, causing significant damage to the vehicle. “They showed up here together and were calmly grazing on Ruffles and sipping from the keg, but something must have spooked them, because suddenly they were snorting... »
Black Student Alliance Asks That No Racial Misunderstanding Happen on Campus While They’re Hanging Out at Howard for the Weekend
Saturday, December 12th, 2009
LEAVEY—In a press conference Wednesday, the Georgetown Black Student Alliance asked that student organizations and the student body at large not commit any acts of racial misunderstanding while the club and their friends are attending parties at Howard University this weekend. “We’re not going to be around, so please do us a favor and... »
Thing Made More Social Justicey to Get Past Administration
Saturday, December 12th, 2009
REISS—Administration permission to do something some people wanted to do on Thursday was almost denied until the details were changed at the last minute to make it more social justicey. Physics Department assistant Roy Piernick had thought getting administration approval earlier this week for a department holiday party was merely going to be a... »
DeGioia Team Jacob
Saturday, December 12th, 2009
Miracle J-Frat Keg Lasts 8 Straight Parties
Saturday, December 12th, 2009
Adorable Jesuit Has Ideas About How the University Should Be Run
Monday, November 16th, 2009
JES RES—For much of its history, Georgetown University was run by Jesuit priests. The entire administration was Jesuits. All the classes were taught by Jesuits. The sports were coached by Jesuits. Jesuits janitors cleaned the bathrooms and Jesuit cops broke up parties in Henle. Jesuits, not koi, lived and swam in the pond next... »
FROM THE EDITOR: How to Express Your Homophobia Legally
Monday, November 16th, 2009
I suppose it was just a matter of time before we saw another slew of hate crimes. University life is cyclical. Autumn arrives and the lively green trees that greeted us at the beginning of the semester soon turn fiery and let go of their leaves. Spring breaks through the winter... »
