AIDS Crisis Resolved WHITE HOUSE — In a shocking turn of events, the Bush administration claims to have discovered a way of curing the AIDS epidemic running rampant in most of the world. Seeing the connection that exists between foreign aid and the amount of AIDS in a country, the U.S. government concluded that by... »
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NEWS BRIEFS
Monday, April 7th, 2008
Bush Calls for Revamping Military After Seeing Cloverfield
Wednesday, February 20th, 2008
CAPITOL HILL – President Bush addressed Congress today, calling on it to pass comprehensive legislation to improve our military’s preparedness. After viewing what he called “a documentary about New York City and the military’s inability to handle a massive crisis there,” the president began urging the legislature to pass a new comprehensive plan that... »
In Race to Recruit Evil Lecturers, GU Turns to Palpatine
Monday, November 12th, 2007
View this issue’s print version CAMPUS — A few weeks ago, Columbia University stunned the world by inviting President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran. Since then, colleges around the country have invited evil leaders from around the globe to speak at their campuses, from Skeletor’s visit to Duke last week to the lecture given at... »
Georgetown Anarchist Club Begins, Chaos Ensues
Monday, September 24th, 2007
CAMPUS – The Georgetown University Anarchist Club (GUAC) had been planning its debut for months, focusing especially on recruiting. “It was hard not to notice us at the SAC fair,” said club un-leader, Kay Oz (COL ’09). “We were the guys with no table, flyers, or cohesive plan. We just randomly wandered through the... »
