Features
The Heckler’s Top 5 Vacation Destinations for 2013
#5 Pyongyang, North Korea Long overlooked as a vacation spot, Pyongyang may finally be taking its place in the sun. The North Korean capital has recently emerged as the go-to destination for such celebrities as former President Bill Clinton and NBA star Dennis Rodman. With the publicity garnered from these high-profile visitors, it will not... »
AS SEEN ON TV: Georgetown Heckler’s Best Recipes for Pasta!
The Catholic: You will need: Willingness to commit sacrilege Other ingredients First, you want to take your sacramental wafers and cut them into thin strips. Pour a bowl of these into water heated with fire and brimstone. Be careful not to let them be still, as sloth is a sin; wait until your church enters Ordinary Time and... »
One Person in Attendance for Georgetown’s Menorah-Lighting Ceremony
LXR- In a tradition almost as old as the university itself Georgetown held its annual menorah-lighting ceremony last night- and in a tradition also almost as old as the university itself only one of Georgetown’s several Jews was in attendance. This year it was Max Hirshman (SFS ’15) who represented all of Hoya Jewry. Held... »
RA applications cutthroat, but in a quirky way
The application process for Resident Assistants is officially over, marking the end of the most lighthearted and bitter fight to the death seen on campus since last year’s process. The system, which managed to be both cheerfully quirky and sadistically cutthroat simultaneously, will be used as judgment to select next year’s crop of resident... »
Students somehow not drunk during Thanksgiving, exams, most weekdays
Shocking reports continue to emerge regarding the student body at large, which has some how managed to not get drunk over Thanksgiving, during exams, or on most weekdays. The sobriety, which is a break from the normal 24/7 drinking that students partake in with only brief pauses to attend class, marks the first time... »
Leo’s to serve only chilled food this winter, just because
An announcement coming out of the Leo J. O’Donovan Dining Hall is ruffling many feathers on campus, declaring that the only food to be served during will be chilled dishes, just because. The announcement, which forbids eating any foods made at the Wok, Pasta Bar, Bistro, or Diner, although such foods will be shown... »
Heckler Exclusive: “Georgetown Insults” Revealed to be Secret Plot by Burleith Residents
Hide your kids, hide your wife, hide your Facebook: Burleith residents are now bringing their blood-sworn jihad against Georgetown students to the world’s most popular social networking site. The Facebook page, which seeks to anonymously insult students using “friend-submitted” messages posted on its wall, has just over 800 friends. It was created as a counter-account... »
Facebook Discussion on Israel Leaves Two Dead, Five Wounded
The online community is reeling following the death of two Americans and injury of five others in an unproductive Facebook discussion about Israel’s conflict with Hamas. The discussion is the third such incident of the past few weeks, officially summarized as the Israeli idiot-Palestinian idiot conflict. The attack, which saw an Israeli photo-bomb dropped on... »
The Corp Stages Bloody Coup Over Saxbys
Taking what they have deemed as “the first step of the revolution,” Students of Georgetown, Inc., commonly known as The Corp, has completed a bloody and murderous coup of Saxbys, the popular coffee shop located just off campus. The coup, which the The Corp is referring to as “The Courp,” took place at 6:30 a.m.... »
Hurricanes Garner Unexpected Support After Hurricane Grab ’n’ Go
In an unexpected survey result, the general population of the student body has agreed by vast majority that “all energy-saving initiatives should be scrapped and the university should emit more carbon dioxide in hopes that climate change will cause another hurricane.” The survey, which came on the heels of the uniquely decent Grab ’n’ Go... »
