From the Editor
MARCH MADNESS: A HELPFUL GUIDE
Greetings, readers! This is your semi-dazed editor here with an informative and indecent guide to March Madness. You all know that there are two kinds of March Madness: enthusiasm for the NCAA men’s basketball championship on the one hand, and on the other, a very specific seasonal affective disorder for people who really hate... »
THE HECKLER’S GUSA PRESIDENT ENDORSEMENT: $100 OR BEST OFFER
Greetings, semi-valued readers and cheap-laugh enthusiasts. You all probably know that the election for GUSA president is coming up soon on some date we haven’t bothered to learn. Now plenty of so-called “established” sources have already given their endorsements, from the current GUSA President to the cool Jesuits to the Stir Fry station workers.... »
FROM THE EDITOR: Under New Management
The Georgetown Heckler has undergone much change throughout its storied 102-year history. From its humble beginnings as a classifieds page for D.C.’s women of the night to its current status as online news-judger par excellence, the Heckler has had its ups and downs. But through it all it has always prided itself on fine... »
ANNOUNCING NEW POLITICAL COVERAGE: “ELECTION 2012: A GENERAL AIR OF FEAR AND DISAPOINTMENT”
We here at the Heckler understand that there’s an election underway in these United States. We don’t care much about that as we owe our allegiance to the government of another nation (Honduras.) But apparently who becomes U.S. president is “newsworthy” so for the sake of pretending to care about what is “newsworthy” we... »
FROM THE EDITOR: We Hate All of Human Civilization Equally
Though my first issue as editor of this illustrious publication should be a time of celebration, I feel I have no choice but to break from the traditional coke-fueled orgies of an editor’s first week to address the troubling accusations that have been directed at the Heckler since the publication of our last issue.... »
FROM THE EDITOR: Georgetown Must Never Forget Its Half-Assed Catholic Identity
As I finish up my last week of finals as a Georgetown undergrad and prepare to enter the real world, I should be elated that it’s all over and excited about my new job as a junior associate in the exciting field of child-murdering / child-murdering-financial-services consultancy. But I’m not. I feel melancholic because... »
FROM THE EDITOR: How to Express Your Homophobia Legally
I suppose it was just a matter of time before we saw another slew of hate crimes. University life is cyclical. Autumn arrives and the lively green trees that greeted us at the beginning of the semester soon turn fiery and let go of their leaves. Spring breaks through the winter... »
FROM THE EDITOR: It’s Time for Students to Arm Themselves
Anytime there’s a crime on campus, you can bet you’ll read an editorial in The Hoya from some crazy guy who thinks we should all have guns. This guy will slyly allude to the fact that he carries a gun everywhere he goes. He will scare the crap out of you. It’s taken me a... »
FROM THE EDITOR: Helping the Administration with Disreputable Media Acquisitions
The recent news that the University forced The Hoya to remain an official part of the school for another year rather than get its long-promised independence came as a surprise to some, but not me. I mean, look at the facts. This is a school that is obsessed with their image. That’s why they... »
FROM THE EDITOR OF THE HOYA: If You Were Smarter You’d Think It Was Funny
Several weeks ago, The Hoya, Georgetown’s most widely read campus publication, of which I was then editor-in-chief, published its annual, ruthlessly satirical “April Fools Issue.” “You people” were upset, and I thought it might be helpful in the name of diversity and dialogue to clear up a few misunderstandings. First of all, The Hoya knows... »
