News
Student’s First Drug Deal Fails to Live Up to Expectations
DARNALL–Freshman Kevin Trammel’s (COL ‘13) first drug-purchasing experience fell disappointingly short of expectations this past weekend, the 18-year-old said Tuesday. “I always thought my first drug buy would be filled with danger and intrigue but it ended up just being kind of boring,” said Trammel. “Not once did I feel threatened even a... »
Fake Girlfriend More Popular Than Student Who Invented Her
HARBIN–What began as an innocent Valentine’s Day lie has spiraled embarrassingly out of control for one Georgetown freshman. Though Michael Lipton (SFS’13) simply wished to avoid the questions and looks of pity that occasionally accompany a Valentine’s Day spent alone, the fake girlfriend he crafted as an excuse to disguise his loneliness has... »
Lau Not Up To Homeless Man’s Standards
LAUINGER–Washington, DC native and local homeless man Chester Walsh (GW ’76) was overheard saying that “he could do better” as he exited Georgetown’s Lauinger Library late Thursday afternoon. Though the library’s liberal entrance policies have earned it a reputation among the area’s homeless community as a popular daytime hangout spot, Walsh expressed disappointment... »
Vox Populi Blogger Forgets to Include Factual Error
LEAVEY–Vox Populi blogger Kate Bradley (COL ’11) faced scrutiny this weekend after failing to include the publication’s customary factual error in her most recent post. Despite ample opportunity for mistakes, Bradley’s post “Walsh Gallery to Host Local Art Festival” correctly identified all relevant names, organizations, locations, dates, and times. Though the embarrassing gaffe... »
Other Headlines
Entire Lacrosse Team Unaware Classes Canceled For a Week ... »
Magis Row Accepts Proposal For “Todd Olson Friendship House”
N STREET–Citing the need for “greater student-faculty partnership,” officials from Georgetown’s Office of Residence Life announced this past Friday that a “Todd Olson Friendship House” would be joining next year’s lineup of Magis Row townhouses. In accordance with Magis Row’s goal of “allowing groups of students to explore their shared interests with Georgetown faculty... »
Vatican Pledges $6.9 Million for New Persecution of Science Center
CAMPUS – After years of delays, university officials are once again moving ahead with plans for a new Persecution of Science Center, thanks to a timely grant from the Vatican’s Pontifical Academy of Scientific Ignorance. “We are delighted that the Vatican’s generous gift has allowed us to move forward on this important project,” Provost James O’Donnell... »
Drunk Fan Holds Key to Team’s Success
VERIZON CENTER–With a top 15 national ranking, several marquee wins and a deep run in March well within the realm of possibility, the Hoya men’s basketball team and their fans are finally putting the memories of last season’s collapse behind them. While fans and reporters alike have spent countless hours searching for an... »
Celibate Loser Decries Georgetown’s Hookup Culture
LEO J O’DONOVAN DINING HALL—Student and celibate loser Jake Connolly (SFS ’10) was overheard yesterday decrying what he called Georgetown’s “shallow, vapid hookup culture” in a long-winded explanation of his ongoing, 22 year-long dry spell. Connolly, when pressed to explain his criticisms, referred to his disgust at the tendency for “drunk dudes to... »
University Anti-Condom Policy Influenced By Dumpster-Baby Lobby
LEAVEY–The heated debate over Georgetown’s controversial anti-condom stance was reignited this past week as sources revealed the significant role lobbyists for the dumpster-baby industry played in shaping University policy on the subject. Though administrators have long asserted that the University policy banning the sale of condoms on campus was designed solely to conform with... »
