This past Friday was no regular Friday for two Hecklers, Ranth Rue and Rufus Wheeler Peckham. But no one knew how abnormal it would become. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The two Hecklers, intending to rejoice in the lead-up to their 21st, had their plans wildly disrupted when a third Heckler, I.M. Randy, arrived at the function.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Randy barreled through the door, knocking it from its hinges as he stood forebodingly in its frame. Standing at 6 feet 9 inches, I.M. Randy\u2019s height was extended by the speaker on his shoulder, playing a 10-hour loop of the \u201cWHERE THE FUCK THE FUNCTION\u201d verse from Drake\u2019s NOKIA. <\/em>Immediately, panties dropped. Most women at said function fell to their knees, overcome with a physical affliction where they compulsively began crawling towards Randy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYeah, that\u2019s right, ladies. Stay on them knees,\u201d Randy was reported to have said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Another Heckler, Duchess Barbara Knittingford of Hartford, CT, was interviewed about the events: \u201cYes, it\u2019s true. I was one of the panty droppers. It\u2019s not that I couldn\u2019t help it\u2014It was like I was totally possessed, overcome with the need to not just drop \u2018em but fling \u2018em at Randy. He caught them left-handed. Fuck. So hot. God, I could replay that moment all day. He draped them across his head like the crown jewels.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n When asked if her pursuit was successful, the Duchess replied that it was, in fact, not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ranth and Rufus, however, were the luckiest two at the function. They needn\u2019t even drop their panties before Randy beelined over. \u201cHey, baddies, I heard today was your special day,\u201d he said. \u201cWant to get suited for the occasion?\u201d Rufus giggled as Randy pushed his hair behind his ear. Ranth questioned what kind of suit. \u201cRawr,\u201d exclaimed Randy. \u201cThe birthday suit.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Within seconds, they obliged. The three (now known as R\u00b3, their official polycule name) immediately fled the function. Many Hecklers at the event were confused, not sure what to do without the birthday boys. Others were inconsolable, forced to watch their endgame choose another two over them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Club relations have been strained since, and no one has seen or heard from either Ranth, Rufus, or Randy. Rumor has it they are aiming to break Yoko Ono and John Lennon\u2019s bed-in record. Hecklers believe this will be an easy feat. <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This past Friday was no regular Friday for two Hecklers, Ranth Rue and Rufus Wheeler Peckham. But no one knew how abnormal it would become. The two Hecklers, intending to rejoice in the lead-up to their 21st, had their plans wildly disrupted when a third Heckler, I.M. Randy, arrived at the function.\u00a0 Randy barreled through […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":239,"featured_media":8656,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"ppma_author":[150,165],"class_list":["post-8647","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"yoast_head":"\n