WHITE GRAVENOR — On Tuesday, myopic student Kyle Evans (COL ’18) chose a front row seat in his 9:00 am history class and unintentionally signaled to history professor Dr. Clarissa Collins that he was intellectually invested in, and prepared to discuss, the course material. “Now, who has any thoughts on the reading?” asked Collins as she locked eyes with Evans, mistaking his squinting at the board for a desire to critically engage with the topic. After missing numerous cues from his professor to comment on the assigned passages, Evans reportedly sighed disconsolately and gave his best shot at a blind interpretation. “I went with the classic ‘I have a problem with the author’s limited point of view’ approach in order to entirely avoid talking about the content itself. It works every time,” Evans told the Heckler after class. Recent reports cite the deluded professor giving a cheery wave to Evans as hurriedly exited the classroom, narrowly missing the doorframe.