The Georgetown Heckler

News | February 21, 2017

The Heckler Would Like to Remind All GUSA Candidates that We Do Accept Bribes


The Heckler would like to extend a reminder to all of the current GUSA candidates: we do in fact accept bribes. We’ll take bribes in any form at any time. Money, beer, food, you name it. Want a nice, flattering article about how you once saved a small child from falling off of a bridge while simultaneously settling a dispute between the neighborhood and student body? Send us something. Anything. We love this stuff.

Recommended bribes include:

  • Money. Cash. Sweet sweet moola.
  • Wisey’s sandwiches. We won’t even be picky, as long as it’s a Hot Chick.
  • A.H. Hirsch 16-year-old Straight Kentucky Bourbon.
  • A pony.
  • Subscriptions to Glamour or Cover Girl magazines.
  • Edward Snowden. We are big fans and would never, ever turn him over to government.
  • Toilet paper.

Bribery is easy, fast, and fun. We at the Heckler embrace it. Let us know.