The Georgetown Heckler

News | March 11, 2017

REPORT: Chauvinists Petition to Make Every Day “A Day Without A Woman”


WASHINGTON, D.C. – A petition for the permanent extension of International Women’s Day has been signed by hundreds of chauvinists who wish to make every day a “Day without a Woman”. The petition signers represent a large group of men who are organizing to permanently keep women out of the public and private decision-making spheres.

“Someone should have thought of this years ago!” said local man and misogynist, Jim Taylor, “I went the entire day without one girl or lady trying to tell me what to eat or who to touch, it was great!”

Taylor’s positive experience during the strike is an opinion expressed by the vast majority of chauvinists in the DMV area, many of which “thoroughly enjoyed” the lack of female interference in their affairs.

This movement has left many women apprehensive about the unthinkable future in which they may have no active role in society or government. The men leading the groundbreaking initiative dismiss this lukewarm reception, insisting that the issue is really just too complicated to explain fully to every woman who questions them.

Leaders of the women’s strike are currently being treated for hysteria and are unreachable for comment.