WASHINGTON, D.C. – After a botched beef stroganoff and two hours of circular, overly-polite conversation, Press Secretary Sean Spicer reportedly re-ensured his six miserable dinner guests that they were, in fact, having a wonderful time.
“Why do keep using that word? ‘Boring’. We didn’t use that word. It’s not boring. People need to understand how much fun you all are actually having right now,” said Secretary Spicer as he gave each and every person in the room a stern glare.
Secretary Spicer reportedly explained in detail to each dinner guest what the true purpose of hosting actually was, and refused to acknowledge any questions that pointed out his clear lack of understanding of entertaining dinner parties.
Despite the Secretary’s claims, the vast majority of dinner guests did not corroborate Secretary Spicer’s story.
“Sean flat out denied that the pasta was underdone, but I could snap it in half! When we called him out on this lie, he wrote down his own definition of ‘cooked’ on a napkin and forced us all to repeat it, said distraught dinner goer and renowned pasta critic, Madeleine Hayworth.
At press time, Mr. Spicer also told the Heckler that nothing in this article was true and that, despite claims otherwise, he had made a fantastic sangria.