The Georgetown Heckler

News | April 22, 2017

Spy 4x More Likely to Be Arrested than Spy


WASHINGTON, DC – A report released Monday evening by the Bureau of Justice Statistics revealed a shocking study showing that Spy was almost 4 times more likely to be arrested than Spy.

“The numbers tell a pretty disturbing story. We can’t have dangerous individuals like Spy out there threatening those citizens just trying to do the right thing like Spy” the director of the FBI, James Comey, told reporters, calling on local precincts to step up their policing of Spy’s headquarters.

“We need to act and we need to act now. Look, the way I see it, this is a black and white issue. There’s no grey area in statistics” Comey continued. At press time, sources confirmed seeing Spy being stopped and frisked by police.