The Georgetown Heckler

News | December 5, 2017

Theater Studies Department To Offer New Course In Not Exposing Self To Women On Set



In what is being called an unprecedented step in combating sexual assault, Georgetown University officials confirmed Tuesday that the Theater Studies Department will be offering a new course in not exposing one’s self to women while on set.

The University’s decision comes amidst a growing number of sexual assault and harassment allegations against prominent actors, comedians, and television anchors. “While we know that the students in our theater department are currently on a college campus where something like sexual assault would never, ever happen, we want them to be prepared for the real world where stuff like this does, unfortunately, take place” explained Annamarie Bianco, the University Registrar.

“The course will cover everything from not sending lewd photographs to not pulling out one’s genitals and masturbating in front of fellow actresses” said Susan Lynskey, the course’s instructor. “There will be a short writing assignment about the etymological definition of the word ‘no’ and the final will include a simulated interaction between the students and a real women.”

Lynskey, an actress herself, expressed personal gratification for the course. “Look I can teach kids how to act all day, but if you don’t know how to resist the urge to whip it out in front of other women on set, what’s the point?”

The course, which is currently capped at 15 students, has already reached capacity.

“When I first heard about this course, I signed up immediately” Max Pierson (COL ’18) told reporters. “I can’t tell you how many time women have complimented me after shows on my acting and I’ve had no idea what to do. I mean do I just pull it out right then? Or do I wait until I’ve built a successful acting career that will allow me to cover up my actions with a carefully cultivated public personality and enormous fan base?”

At press time, sources confirmed that the Registrar’s Office was contemplating offering another general course in how to believe a woman when she says something.