The fanatic Hawk-lovers were shouting and screaming in excitement to see Tony “The Birdman” Hawk do his most famous tricks.

LEAVEY CENTER – Despite its failure to release a legitimate platform or budget, both Vox and The Hoya straw polls indicate that the Regret ticket is currently the frontrunner to win the 2015 GUSA executive election.   Garnering support primarily from self-described “students not following the race,” the Regret ticket has skyrocketed to popularity following […]

Recognizing the vital role that satire plays in the conduct of student affairs, the Georgetown Heckler is proud to announce that it is formally withdrawing its endorsement of the Luther-Rohan ticket and is instead endorsing the Chris and Meredith ticket for the GUSA executive 2015 election.   Redefining just how poignant political satire can be […]

HFSC — A last-minute confession of employment as an airline steward from GUSA hopeful Joe Luther (COL ’16) has thrown the election into turmoil.   “I feel as though I must be completely transparent with the public,” said Luther. “For the past two and a half years I have globe-trotted the world, providing assorted refreshments […]

    CHAMPAGNE STOCKED LIMO- Stating that he has no intention to change any aspect of his 2012 “Believe in America” platform, former Massachusetts Governor and presidential candidate Mitt Romney announced his intention this morning to run for president of the Georgetown University Student Association.  “I believe in Georgetown in 2015 just as much as […]

STATEN ISLAND — Stating that all that is seen, done, and heard is simply “an ephemeral creation of the subconscious,” a Staten Island jury yesterday unanimously refused to indict a police officer in the choking death of Eric Garner. “A system of morality based on the facade of meaning in our existence is a thoroughly […]