GEORGETOWN — George “The Man” McCallister (COL ’18) was the self-reported king of his high school. He was the starting full back for his football team, he had the prettiest girl on his arm, students and educators alike deferred to him on a daily basis.
“During my junior year, I had to sue Ambericombe and Fitch for using my image in their Fall catalog without my consent,”McCallister told The Heckler behind closed doors, “it was messy.”
Upon arriving to Georgetown,McCallister bristled with excitement that he may be able to change his image. “It’s like no one has a past here,” McCallister confessed. “It’s exciting. Instead of telling people that I was all-state in football, I can tell them I was head of the Super-Chess club. It’s a thrill.”
(Editor’s note: The Heckler was unable to find any other verification of the game of Super-Chess of which he now plays in the common room in unflattering pajamas – it is, as McCallister explains, a combination of Dungeon and Dragons, checkers, Warcraft, acne and chess).
McCallister says he understands that people will eye the barrel-chested kid with a square jaw suspiciously if he tells them that he’s “never really had sex sex.” Yet McCallister is confident that his plan will work.
Carole Lin (SFS ’18) lives on George’s floor. “He always has orange rinds in his hand. Like always. And he’s just carrying them like he’s looking for a trashcan but he never throws them away. I’ve never seen him eat an orange.”
McCallister’s roommate, Joe Trujillo (MSB ’18) describes George as “a nerd, but not like a cool-nerd.” When asked to elaborate, Trujillo sighed. “I got nothing against the kid. But he’s a babe repellant. I was totally making out with this girl at a party, and he just comes up and drops some statistic about mouth herpes.”
When Trujillo was asked about his high school days, he summarizes himself as “like the kid who got along with everyone. I was like cool and smart.” A quick look at Trujillo’s Facebook page circa 2010 reveals his top likes were “Dane Cook, Being Alone, Christopher Nolan’s Hairy Balls.”
McCallister expressed his pleasure with the results thus far. “Just a few more weeks, and they’ll be sold. I’ll never have to be super-popular again.” Although he did not want to give too much away, his next steps included: liking Jimmy Buffet earnestly, wearing flip-flops all year with blackened toenails, and buying those glasses that turn from dark to light but are always somewhere in between.
