NEW SOUTH — Over the din of the twenty three person party in New South dormitory 349 it became increasingly clear to outside observers that freshmen Nate Schumer (COL ’18) and Bridget Friedland (SFS ’18) were successfully concealing the fact they were large nerds in high school while hitting on each other.

“Can I get you a drink,” Schumer reportedly said to begin the conversation while trying emulate the suave, easygoing manner of the “cool” population of Waldo Emerson High School which he had not been a part of for four years.

In return Friedland continued with the masquerade with demure a “yeah,” a slow batting of the eyes and a casual “I’ve done tons of alcohol before.”

During the course of the conversation both Schumer and Friedland managed to successfully conceal their mutual interest in science fiction literature, baroque artwork, and cartography and both managed to pretend to care about achieving dangerous levels of inebriation and touching hot people in a sexual way.

Schumer, whose nickname in high school was “Late Bloomer Schumer” for his startlingly late growth spurt, described this night as “the best performance of my life.”

Instead of relying on personal interests, Schumer managed to dominate the conversation with fictional stories largely construed from what he heard his currently unemployed older brother had done in high school.

Witnesses reported overhearing elements of the story including Schumer ordering “whiskey rum sodas” at bars, defying law authorities, and not waiting thirty minutes before going back in the pool after eating.

“You actually had to hand it to him,” said fellow party-goer Seamus O’Connor (COL ’18). “You couldn’t even tell that this was the same guy who has five numbers of teachers from high school in his phone.”

“So you’re telling that there’s some guy who’s hitting on the same Bridget that had braces until junior year of high school? Jesus give me a break,” said former cool classmate and burgeoning cocaine addict Andrea Bonnor.

The tensest moment of the night came when Friedland, who suffers from a disorder which makes her sweat glands overly active, accidentally dropped the jello shot handed to her by Schumer.

“I was actually kind of relieved,” Friendland, who was lead flutist in the Forrest Whitaker High School marching band, later told a friend.

“How do you eat a jello shot? it’s not a liquid and it’s definitely not a solid.”

Sources speculate the charade will unravel once they become Facebook friends.