VILLAGE C WEST — On Thursday evening freshmen roommates Darrel Christmas and John Rodgers sat down to discuss what each considered to be “a very pressing matter.”

Showcasing a total lack of awareness for their low position on the desirability scale, a crippling absence of self confidence or experience and lack of clothes that weren’t greasy, the roommates quickly hammered out the details for “bringing babes back to the palace [VCW 532].”

Christmas (r) has decided to adopt a sleeveless look as part of his “full proof” plan to make his room “the sex pad.”

“Listen,” Christmas began the meeting. “The worst thing that can happen when we are reeling in chicks is for one of us to walk in on the other. Total turn off.”

Christmas later admitted to the Heckler that there were other worst things to happen while hooking up such as forgetting to close your eyes, getting the girl’s lips stuck in your braces, and trying to take off a bra, but he declined to mention these at the beginning of the meeting.

“Thankfully, I’ve never had to cross that bridge before,” he added.

Despite each other’s unspoken complete lack of sexual experience or potential, the roommates agreed that a simple text of “need the room” would suffice, but each roommate was only allowed to “sexile” each other once a week.

“If that doesn’t work we can like use a sock or something on the door handle.” said Rodger, basing his entire knowledge of hook up culture on cliche movies.

“Yeah, definitely,” agreed Christmas who had seen the same movies.

Both Christmas and Rodgers attempted a massive rebranding on Campus Housing and Roommate Matching System (“CHARMS”) in which they decided to trade their online fantasy ware craft obsessions for raw sexuality and endless parade of one-night stands.

Although neither party is more than 17% aware of popular culture, both expressed an unfounded belief that they will soon be “up to their ears in hotties.”

According to the tentative agreement, if one of the parties was already asleep the other is “totally allowed to go for it.”

“That’s just so college,” said Rodgers who has googled “how to kiss” several times online.

Christmas and Rodgers were unable to identify a solution for what should happen if they were to both try and bring a girl home at the same time. They agreed to table the problem, which they agreed was “definitely” going to be an issue, and high fived each other at the thought.

“Ah that’s just like my boy! Always thinking ahead, He’s going to be so popular with all his girlfriends,” said his mother, Rita, over the phone.

Although Rodgers admits the conversation “should have happened earlier” he said he was relieved that a situation with a girl had not arisen earlier “which would have made his roommate uncomfortable” before they got a chance to talk about it.

“In fact I was totally waiting for us to talk about it before I did something like that,” he added.