LXR — While regaling each other with stories of U Street concerts and hallucinogen usage, a small gathering of Georgetown’s self-proclaimed hipsters announced to the Heckler that their social circle had decided to begin following Georgetown’s alcohol policy, ironically.
Georgetown’s hipster community stands together as one to ironically follow the University’s policies for drinking.
The group explained that “like, literally, no one follows the University’s rules on alcohol. What better way to show we go against the grain than to follow the arcane and ignored rules.”
While passing around a pack of Blue American Spirits, the group nodded in agreement to their ironic commitment to party in accordance with University regulations.
The group, 87% of whom work for the Voice, explained that since the beginning of the year they noticed that everyone else was getting shit-faced on the weekends.
“I mean, that used to be our thing,” said hipster Fred, who didn’t give his last name because it is “really just a part of the patriarchy.”
The social gather stressed that their ironic-ness would be followed to the letter of the law.
Pointing to an empty keg in the corner Joe Connors (SFS ’15) explained, “last weekend we had a party but we only had one keg as stipulated in the University’s 2012 regulations. It was hard cider of course, and we checked IDs of anyone trying to use the keg despite the fact we all know each other.”
“Only one empty alcohol bottle allowed in an under 21 year-old’s room?” said Erin LaBourn (COL ’18) with a hint of apathy as she pointed to an empty bottle of Blue Moon. “Done.”
“Well I guess this is a welcome change,” said Georgetown University Police Department Chief Jay Gruber. “Even if it is done ironically.”
The hipsters, congregated in crowded and dim LXR basement room, announced their plans to have a drug-free party that night in a Harbin dorm room.
“It’s this great little spot you’ve probably never heard of,” said self-proclaimed hipster Irene Smith (COL ’17) from under her oversized beanie purchased at Urban Outfitters.
