Dear Guy Who Almost Had a Threesome,
My midterm season is looking really brutal. I have three midterms next week and after this weekend I realize that I am not prepared for any of them! On top of my job and clubs I just don’t think I can be ready. Is it acceptable to ask my professors for an extension?
It was at Mark’s townhouse a couple months ago, you know on 35th street? We were having this dope party with all of our left over Natties from the 4th. It was like a “Beer & Freedom & Hoes” party, but dude I am not kidding you these two chicks were so into me. Man, I would never lie to you, you should have seen how close I got this threesome. It was like this close.
Dear Guy Who Almost Had a Threesome,
Do you know of any good off campus study spots? Honestly, I’m so over the Lau-New South Student Center debate. I feel like changing up the location could really help me focus. I could really use a change in scenery.
Names? Oh I forgot their names. I think it was like “Emily” or “Emma”…. or “Katie” or something. Not important though, I mean they didn’t even go here so they totally knew what they were getting into when they almost had a threesome with me. Yeah I think they were from Iowa State or Oregon or somewhere in the Midwest. State school, right? Those chicks know how to party. It was frickin’ tight almost partying with them like that. We could definitely use that attitude around here. I’d love for some of my boys to almost have threesomes too.
Dear Guy Who Almost Had a Threesome,
I think I’m having trouble with my group of friends. As a freshman I thought I had hit the jackpot living on a floor where everyone was so tight, but recently some of the girls on the floor have been having issues with each other and they’re dragging everyone in the middle. Is it time to find new friends?
Yeah it was pretty chill. I think that’s what they liked most about me was how chill I was. I was rockin’ my Bruce Springsteen tank so you know that’s basically a chick magnet, dude. Or maybe it was the survivor flip cup dominance I showed that day. Only got voted out third to last. And there were a lot of people on the table.
Dear Guy Who Almost Had a Threesome,
Everyone here looks so good year-round! I want to be just as stylish as them but I doubt I have the budget to keep up. Do you know of any good, cheap options for winter wear?
Haha yeah, definitely dude. They were just eatin’ it up. I wish you coulda be there to watch the master almost make it happen. Just as I asked them if they wanted to go upstairs and hang out a lil’ bit if you know what I mean, but they got this text that their friend was sick or that their dog died or something. Right? I know it blows, man. But it was nothing compared to this super hot chick I almost made out with last weekend.
