GASTON HALL – This Monday, the Georgetown University Lecture Fund announced that God will deliver the introductory speech for the much anticipated Hillary Clinton remarks on women’s role in business on Thursday.
Event organizers were relieved when God told them He would not need any extra security detail in Healy Circle on Thursday.
“We’re thrilled that God can find time in his busy schedule to introduce the former secretary of state before she addresses a Gaston Hall packed with Hoyas,” said Lecture Fund board member Melissa Reilly (SFS ’16), “but it’s important that he keeps his remarks to between 5 and 7 minutes.”
Reilly and other board members first tried to contact the incorporeal, immaterial being through prayer before successfully contacting him through His booker’s information on LinkedIn profile.
Lecture organizers expressed initial concern over the logistics of inviting an all-knowing, supreme entity to speak on campus, but are sure that they are capable of handling these challenges.
“With God and Hillary Clinton speaking on the same day, we can expect at least two hundred or more students to turn out.”
Adjustments will also need to be made during the event itself. “Unable to fully comprehend the voice of absolute knowledge and the truth of life’s meaning, students will have to shield their eyes and look away during the speech,” said McDonough said. “Of course they’ll have to do the same when God gives his introduction.”
Student reaction has largely been indifferent to the news. Said senior Ben Patterson, “I come to these events to feel closer to Hillary. It’s good that someone interesting will introduce him.”
Others were more reserved.
“God? No, never heard of him. Did he go here? ” said sophomore Sam Gerhart (COL ‘17). “They should get Bradley Cooper or something.”
“God’s coming? That’s so Georgetown,” said freshman Jill Friedman (SFS ‘18).
Asked if he was concerned that God’s presence on campus could trigger an early rapture, bringing apocalypse and subsequent divine judgment, junior Mike Kelly said, “I guess so? Whatever, it’s Hillary – I’m going.”
