TACOMA, WA — Since returning home over ten days ago from Georgetown, Freshman and Corp new hire Darren Ryan (SFS ’18) expressed confusion to reporters that his social status among his high school classmates has not budged since his employment as a cashier with More Uncommon Grounds (MUG) began in September. “I don’t get it, I’ve worn my Corp sweatshirt like twice since I’ve been back, and I don’t think I’ve even raised an eyebrow,” said Ryan as he adjusted his backwards hat, while also adding he had surreptitiously dropped the institution’s exceedingly low acceptance rate “at least five times” while with friends. “Yeah, [Ryan] is always talking about how he works as a cashier and he always gives me weird answers when I ask him if he’s going to join a frat,” said neighbor Andrew Riesling who described Ryan as “the same mildly quirky nerd” he was in high school. Ryan informed reporters that, for the remainder of break, he was going to abandon attempting to explain Holiday Inn and instead focus on the benefits of rising minimum wage in DC.