WASHINGTON, DC – Following the last episode of Comedy Central’s satirical news program The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 23-year-old Louis Miller’s search to re-locate his own opinions seems likely to enter a third week. Miller (COL ’14) reported his sociopolitical beliefs missing only one day after the show’s host Jon Stewart retired from his post of nightly diatribes against the absurdities of American culture.

“I know they have to be here, somewhere,” said Miller in reference to his beliefs, thumbing through several books in his room before checking behind the bookcase itself.

The recent graduate is one of a small group of young professionals without an HBO subscription or Internet access, unable to replace his absence of an original opinion with the voice of Last Week Tonight’s John Oliver.

Miller, a former government major now working in the District as a policy analyst at a think tank, says that he’s found himself at a loss for words when prompted to share his own thoughts.

When a water cooler conversation at his office turned to current GOP primary frontrunner Donald Trump, Miller recoiled from the opportunity to state a refutable assessment of the outlandish businessman.  Said Miller, “That guy?  I’ll tell you what, he sure is running for president.”

“I was flying completely blind out there,” said Miller.

Beyond his lost ability to opine on current events to any meaningful capacity, Miller has struggled with keeping himself aware of current events at all without the nightly program.

“I think there’s an election next year?” said Miller, trying to recall what exactly that election was for, the candidates participating, and which one Stewart skewered by mocking him in a farcical Italian-American accent. “Democrats. I’m pretty sure I like those.”

Friends and family of Miller have urged him to turn to any one of the various informative print news sources, but to no avail.

“You mean, like, read the news?” asked Miller. “I guess I can do that, but there’d be know way of knowing who or what to disapprove of without a montage of gaffes followed by Jon giving me a look like, ‘Get a load of these knuckleheads!’”

At press time, Miller had exhausted all possible places where he could have left his point of view and decided it was best to replace it with outright apathy.