If you’re like me, you probably have fingernails on your fingers. And if you’re as neurotic as I am then you’ve probably tried to clip them before. . If you’ve tried this, you know that ten different fingers each with its own fingernail means ten different chances for something to go wrong! Aaah! But for a lot of us, it’s worth the scare: there are lots of us out there who don’t want long fingernail but might be too nervous to say it.

We at the Heckler decided to clip my fingernails last weekend. Here’s what happened!

1. My advice: start small. The pinky finger has the smallest fingernail and so we cut my pinky finger first! Our first try did NOT go well.
Verdict: too short!


2. Then we swept across the mid-fingers, from ring finger through index finger. These fingers are all similar and shaped the same, so easy-peezy! But boy, these all went poorly too. Yikes!
Verdict: too short!


3. Then to the thumb. As they say third times the charm! Not for us! Wow. Much worse. I’ve had to stop texting this week my right thumbnail is so short. Sad!
Verdict: too short!

4. I have two hands, so our staff had a whole other hand to go. We started with my left thumb—we’d just clipped my right thumb and understood our original mistake. “Don’t clip it too short,” I told my told my team. And we didn’t clip it too short: thumbs up!
Verdict: just right!

5. The we ventured back to the heart of the fingernail range: the index-middle-pinky finger sweep—the essence of nails. We were riding high on the euphoria of our thumb success and in the delirium, we destroyed my three interior fingernails. A classic tale of a speedy rise to success followed by a painful fall.
Verdict: too short! Ow!

6. Bleeding and screaming, we decided to leave my left pinky be. And I realized my nails are ok just the way God made them!
Verdict: just right!