As the weather warms up for Spring 2017, don’t walk but run to your nearest dark web portal to be the first to snap up this year’s hottest new black market kidneys! Whether for a loved one or just as a treat to yourself, we know your latex-gloved fingers have been itching to get a jump on these gorgeous new finds.

Illegal organ experts are just giddy at the new lineup which features some classic standby kidneys as well as those for the more daring dialysis divas.  Trends are sure to include some hot new nephron patterns, as well as filtration rates for every body type.

And while dubiously acquired organs are a bit of a splurge, kidneys like this should be considered a valuable investment in your future. We even offer a free service to verify the source before wiring your life savings to Serbia and ending up with an empty wallet and an empty abdominal cavity!

Also new this season, most mainstream organ dealers are now including the tragic backstory of the donor with purchase for a more personal shopping experience! Hurry today before they become unviable for transplant!