THE HECKLER WOULD LIKE TO REASSURE THE PUBLIC THAT THERE IS NOTHING AT ALL OUT OF THE ORDINARY OCCURRING. CONTRARY TO THE TONE IMPLIED BY THE EXCLUSIVE USE OF CAPITAL LETTERS IN THIS POST, THERE IS NOTHING NOTEWORTHY TO REPORT. EVERYONE EXPERIENCING DISTRESS AT THE APPARENT URGENCY OF THIS RELEASE SHOULD IMMEDIATELY TAKE COMFORT. WE APOLOGIZE SINCERELY FOR ANY ANXIETY CAUSED BY THE AFOREMENTIONED CAPITALS, AND ARE WORKING TO REMEDY ITS CAUSE. IN FACT, OUR CAPS LOCK FEATURE IS BROKEN, RENDERING OUR EFFORTS TO DESCRIBE THE ORDINARY NATURE OF TODAY A FAILURE. WE SINCERELY HOPE THAT THE EXIGENT IMPRESSION LEFT BY THIS MESSAGE DOES NOT NEGATIVELY IMPACT YOUR DAY, THIS DAY, ON WHICH NOTHING AT ALL EXCITING IS HAPPENING.
