GEORGETOWN, D.C. – Sources report that local SAE fraternity brother, Donald Pendle (COL ’18), is now just one more lecture on what consent means and how to prevent sexual harassment from finally respecting women.
After another series of emails and lectures repeating the common sense message of respecting the bodily autonomy of women, friends of Pendle have reported that he might be able to see women as more than sexual objects with just one last hour-long speech.
“Don knows what’s up dude, he’s always pulling 9s and 10s,” said fellow fraternity member, Richard Cockwhit (MSB ’19), “but after years of taking home tons of blackout babes, he started mentioning things like ‘conversation’ and ‘checking boundaries’. If he hears that stuff one more, he could go soft.”
For numerous allegations of sexual assault, Pendle has had to attend a multitude of classes and programs detailing every last minute aspect of not tricking women into sex like some creepy goblin.
“I really thought I got through to him today,” said chaplain Diana Charlotte, “I’ve tried to explain to him why he has to get consent countless times, but I really thought I saw something click behind the scenes there.”
This most recent seminar appears to have been Pendle’s 18th time hearing the definitions of consent and respect. Better luck on the 19th, Pendle.
