GEORGETOWN, D.C.

With the excitement of election season is dying down, GUSA seems at an impasse now that their main campaign agenda item has already been achieved. According to a GUSA spokesman earlier this morning, the institution is “not entirely sure” what to do next now that it seems like the senate is “pretty dang diverse.”

In the press release, GUSA reportedly also apologized for its failure in actually formulating constructive ideas about changing school policies, citing reasoning such as “we never really thought we would make it this far.” Furthermore, a recently elected GUSA Senate member told the Heckler “People voted for me because I represent them—because I’m different from the other candidates.” But when asked about his agenda now that he has successfully contributed to Senate diversity, he seemed confused, saying ”My platform is all about diversity. Diversity is essential.” We received similarly vague responses from all interviewed Senators.

At press time, students appear to be doubling down on their loyalty to GUSA, ostensibly relieved by the fact that like all of us, the Senators have no actual idea what they are doing. GUSA has informed its constituents that they will be sure to update the student body on its agenda as soon as they think of one.